Not Alone
by maddyfox
Summary: The story is about a new recruit (Catherine Abrington) joining the survey corps, she is gonna face a lot of difficulties from the moment she joins but her "biggest" problem is definitely going to be humanity's strongest soldier. (Levi x new character, other parings) I suck at summaries but the story isn't bad, give it a chance if you have nothing to do lol
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone, before I begin with the story I wanted to inform you about the new characters and give you a little description:

The main character is Catherine Abrington, she is 19 years old, I'm not gonna tell you about her personality or her back story, you'll figure it out reading on.

Catherine has curly dark red hair, she keeps them short, just above her shoulders, so they don't bother her in training or battle. Her skin tone is darker than average, she has freckles on her nose and cheeks, her eyes are a dark shade of green.

Catherine's best friend is Eliza Wright, she is an extremely shy girl unless you know her really well, she is hardly able to talk to people normally. She is nice and sweet but she can also be ironic and funny.

She has black hair, they are a little wavy and she keps them in a pony tail so they don't get in her way, she has really pale skin so when she blushes, which is really often, people can see it a lot… Her pale skin also makes her big blue eyes pop up.

Last but not least is Gray Zerchias, he is Catherine's and Eliza's friend, he used to be in their trainee's squad, they have always been really close. Gray is a really great soldier, agile as cat and strong as a lion, he can be really protective, particularly in battle. He joined the survey corps just to meet Levi, who's always been his role model and hero.

Gray has black messy hair, they often cover his eyes, his eyes are light brown, his skin tone is a little lighter than Catherine's. (he makes his appearence in the second chapter)

Okey, so these are the new characters, I might add others later, but they are the most important.

the first chapter is like an introduction, I still hope you'll like it… Sorry for any spelling mistakes, I've checked millions of time but I'm Italian so my english probably isn't the best… Sorry.

Hope you enjoy the story :)

CHAPTER 1

Second day in the Survey Corps, we just finished visiting the Head Quarters with a member whose name I couldn't remember and he asked me to bring some paper work to the commander's office.

Erwin wasn't there, so I just left the papers on his desk and headed to the exit, as I opened the door carelessly I felt something blocking it, so I tried again, pushing harder, but it wasn't opening, ralization hit me like a truk slowly after, the door opened fully and a super pissed soldier was staring at me. I knew who he was, I had a friend who was a little obsessed with him and I had heard a thousand stories about him. Levi Ackerman, humanity's strongest soldier... My life was about to end.

It was understandable since I just slamed the door in his face, twice.

I froze as he kept staring at me, I started sweating cold, waiting for him to react but he didn't… he just kept staring at me with his little evil eyes.

"Captain L-Levi… I'm so sorry!" I said, shaking. "I-I would never do that on pourpouse, I swear!" He stepped closer, I was so dead. I closed my eyes, expecting the worse.

"Just get out the way, brat." He simply said, my eyes widened, was that it? He wasn't going to kill me in some horrible way? I sighed in relif and stepped aside to let him pass.

"Thank you…" I whispered as he passed.

"Tch." He just gave me a quick look and got in the room, I got out as fast as I could.

I started walking to my dorm with the quickest pace I could manage, I was mortified and all I wanted was to disapear, it was only my second day in the Survey Corps and I already messed up.

I didn't even know why I decided to fight the titans, I was good with the 3D manoeuvre gear but I wasn't brave at all. I had always been a coward, I even joined the military because of my cowardice, to run away from my past and my problems.

I still had no idea of why I decided to join the Survey Corps though, I decided to follow my instinct instead of my brain. I felt as if the people needed me and I wanted to protect the good people within the walls, but how could I do that if I couldn't even protect myself? I was skilled in training but I knew it was going to be different against the titans.

When I finally arrived to the dorm I shared with my best friend and two other girls that were there before us, I opened the door super slowly so that I could be sure not to hit anyone with it.

"Hey Cath." Said Eliza as I walked in, I was expecting to see her there… She was in the 105th trainee squad with me before we both joined the Survey Corps, she was one of my three room mates, she was one of the people I cared the most about, we became really good friends in no time.

"Hey." I answered, trying to smile, but I was still upset about what happened with Captain Levi.

"You look like you've just seen a ghost, what happened?" She asked with a worried look on her face.

"I… I just fucked up big time." I answered. She looked confused but patiently waited for me to continue. "I'm not even sure how I'm still alive right now…" Her eyes widened.

"What the fuck did you do?" She was truly tensed and worried, I loved that about her, she always cared so much.

"I slammed the door in Captain Levi's face." She stared at me for a little longer before bursting into laughter.

"Well done! He's a douchebag anyway." She said ironically and giggled cutely . "But… what did he say? Was he angry?" She got back to beeing serious.

"I don't know… he just told me to get out of his way, he didn't look too mad." I said. "He'll kill me in my sleep, won't he?" I shouted, covering my face with a pillow.

"Well.. don't worry, it's not your fault, you probably just didn't see him…" We both laughed at the joke, I truly found it funny but I wasn't too happy about people laughing about his height. He was humanity's hero and people mocked him just because of his height. I was just a inch taller myself.

"So, what time is it? I'm hungry." I asked, my stomach was actually starting to ache from how hungry I was, some of our superios showed the new recruits around HQ, sorting us in dorms so training hadn't started for us yet but we didn't have time to eat.

"The clock is behind you, it's half past seven, you should change, we're late already." I looked down, I was still wearing my uniform. So I quickly changed into a normal black t-shirt and gray leggins as Eliza kindly waited for me.

We started walking towards the mess hall.

"So, are you ready to meet all of the other suicidal people who chose the Survey Corps?" I asked, it was our first time gathering with them, I was a bit nervous but nothing compared to my friend.

"Yeah… they're all our superiors, it's gonna be so embarassing!" She burried her face into her hands, she was the shyest girl I ever met, she had such a hard time making new friends, but once you are able to make way into her heart all the shyness faded.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll fit in, Gray is going to be there too." I smiled, she smiled back at me. Gray was also in the 105th trainee squad and a good friend of ours, we hadn't seen him much since we joined the Survey Corps because we weren't sharing the same dorm… They put us with a gloomy girl named Mikasa and an awesome one called Sasha, we hardly knew eachother yet but I liked Sasha a lot more than Mikasa, she was funny and friendly. Mikasa was just too quiet.

"Ok…" She said, unsurely.

We finally got to our destination, I looked around, trying to find Gray but he didn't seem to be there. I sighed.

We went to get dinner and sat down next to each other, after a while I saw Sasha sitting in another table looking at us while talking to some bald guy with a huge grin, she waved at us. The guy next to her looked confused, so she started talking to him, I assumed she was explaining that we were her new room mates. The guy smiled and took Sasha by the arm, leading her to us. I saw Eliza blushing violently. They soon reached us.

"Hey! I'm Connie, nice to meet you." He shook my hand and then Eliza's.

"Hi, I'm Catherine, but you can call me Cath." I said with a polite smile.

"I'm Eliza.." I almost laughed at how softly she said it, she seemed like a totally different person!

"Sasha told me you just joined and that you don't know anyone, so if you feel lonely, feel free to come talk to me." He smiled. "See you around!" He said and left with Sasha, who greated us with a smile. I couldn't tell if Connie was Sasha's boyfriend or a really good friend but I already loved them toghether.

"We already made a friend." Said Eliza with a soft smile. "And he's cute."

I laughed, she would always get so excited about everything, I loved her personality.

We started talking casually while eating and halfway trough the meal we got interrupted by someone sitting in front of me, when I looked at his face I panicked, I looked at Eliza hoping she would help me but she was too nervous herself to say anything.

"Calm the fuck down, I don't bite, brat." His stoic blue eyes glared right trough me. "I'm not so happy about having to sit here eather, don't worry." It was Captain Levi. I looked around, every other table was full… that's why he was here.

"C-Captain…" I started sweating and feeling dizzy, what was he doing to me? I was so nervous, it wasn't normal for me. He looked so intimidating, I felt as his piercing eyes could see trough my soul.

"What?" He asked.

"I…" What was I going to say? It was so damn embarassing. "I'm sorry about today." I said sincearly.

"It doesn't matter, it was an accident." I felt so relieved, I couldn't believe he was just going to forgive me like that. I gave Eliza a quick look, she was looking down on her plate, avoiding any eye contact with him, she just wanted to vanish.

"So… you're not going to kill me?" I asked.

"I'll leave that to the titans." I looked down, did he really want me dead already? I was doing great to get my superiors to like me. "So… I'm courious, why did you two join the Survey Corps?" He asked, his penetrating little eyes were on me.

"I… I just followed my instinct, I was actually aiming for the Military Police but I have a feeling that I'm in the right place now, I don't regret my decision." I answered, I couldn't decipher his face, he didn't let any emotions slip out of his expression.

"You don't regret it, for now." He said. "You've never seen a titan, have you?" I didn't answer, but I felt a strange sensation of rage swelling up inside me.

I stared at my plate but I knew he was still waiting for a reaction, and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction to see it.

"And you? Why did you join?" He asked, moving his intimidating gaze to Eliza. She looked up in shock, she didn't expect to be talked to, she blushed and thought carefully of what to say.

"Sir, I j-joined because… I want to take revenge f-for what those monsters did to us." She said unsurely, turning even more red.

"You look sick." He stated before drinking from his cup.

"I… I'm fine." She answered, looking away from him, I was feeling so sorry, I knew how hard it was for her. He raised an eyebraw.

"How is it out there, beyond the wall?" I asked. I wanted his attention to be off Eliza, she was too shy for this. He looked back at me, probably deciding if he should answer or not.

"Are you afraid?" He asked. Of course I was but I couldn't look weak in front of him.

"I don't think so." I lied, as I clanched my fist.

"Only an idiot wouldn't be. And don't lie if you're not good at it." He said, I tensed up, could he read inside of me?

"You still didn't answer my question." I said, looking straight in his eyes as if I wanted to challenge him. He didn't answer for a couple of seconds.

"Trust me, you don't want me to answer it." I didn't insist any further, that was clear enough, hell was beyond the walls.

"Why did _you_ decide to join the Survey Corps?" I asked. He took another sip from his cup and got back to looking at me.

"It's none of your bisiness, brat." He got on the defensive, I probably shouldn't have asked.

"I have a name, ya know." I was sick of beeing called brat.

"Catherine Abrington" he answered "and your friend is Eliza Wright."

I looked at him with a mad expression, why would he call me brat if he knew my name? And how did he know it?

"Before you ask, no, I'm not a stalker, I know it because Erwin insists I have to know the name of every recruit." He added in a bored tone.

"Hey… I think I'm gonna go, I'm done here." Said Eliza with a fake smile, she just wanted to get out of here, how could she leave me with _him_? I gave her a worried look but she didn't seem to care.

"Goodbye, brat." Said the Captain.

"See you later." I told her, trying not to sound as mad as I was.

"Sorry." She whispered before leaving.

"What's the matter with her?" He asked as he crossed his arms and legs and leaned back on his chair.

"She is just shy, don't worry sir." I explained.

"Call me Levi, I hate formalities when they aren't necessary." He drank some more, and it made me wander what he was drinking, then I realized I was basically staring at his handsome features as he drank.

"Sure… Levi." I wandered if every soldier called him by his name, it felt so strange yet so good, it sounded so nice and sweet. It made me get a strange feeling in my guts.

"So, do you think you've got what it takes to fight the titans? We don't have time for useless people here, they die right away." I clenched my fist. I looked up to him and respected him but it annoyed me to get insulted and humiliated like that.

"I do have what it takes." I said, looking straight in his eyes. He gave me a quick glance.

"I told you not to lie to me, you're a terrible liar." I was speachless. "You clench your fist when you lie." I parted my lips and looked at him in shock, he was right, I did it every time I lied, it took me years to notice it and the Captain figured it out in a couple of minutes, I was stunned.

"If you're trying to scare me, it's useless." I answered with a sigh. "Why are you doing it?" I asked.

"Tch…" He looked away. "I'm not even trying to scare you, I'm just asking questions." His expression didn't change at all, he was as serious as ever.

"I might not be as strong as you but I don't intend to die any time soon." I took a sip of water, not looking at the Captain, his ice cold glare was too much pressure for me.

"Good for you." He said with an emotionless face, he was so serious all the time, I couldn't understand if I liked that he was so mysterious or if I hated it... Silence went on for a minute or so.

"You'll see on my first mission." I broke the silence, my eyes shining with emotion. "I'm not going to die and that's a promise!" I said looking straight in his eyes, trying not to look unsure. I got up from my seat.

"Hope it's a promise you'll be able to keep." He said softly, to himself.

I started walking away, acting like I didn't hear that. "I will." I said as I left the room.

I headed straight to the dorms, a weird sensation was taking over me, Levi was driving me crazy, I couldn't decipher him at all, and I really wanted to.

I opened the door to our room and slammed it behind me.

"How could you?" I asked her, trying to sound intimidating, she was sitting on the bed, gazing out the window.

"I'm sorry…" All of my anger vanished when I saw how serious and miserable she was. I rolled my eyes.

"It's ok, he isn't so bad after all." I said to calm her down, she looked really upset.

"Developing feelings for the midget, uh?" She said ironically, faking a smile. I blushed.

"Of course not." I clenched my fist, without even noticing. I sat next to her on her bed. "So… any reason why you look so sad?"

"Sasha was here with Connie a couple of minutes ago, they were talking about the last mission they went on… Twenty two people out of ninety eight made it back." She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them with both arms. "I'm starting to regret my decision." She said, resting her chin on her knees.

"Don't be like that, all that training we've done… I'm sure it wasn't useless." I smiled to reassure her but I wasn't so sure myself. "It doesn't matter anyway, we can't go back, the decision has been made, there's no use in getting depressed about it now." I told her.

"How can you be so sure of yourself?" She asked, still gazing out the window. Her question suprised me, I wasn't sure of myself at all.

"I… I just believe that all the hard training we've been trough will pay off." I looked at her, she looked sadder than she was before, I was really bad at cheering people up. "And, I think that you should live for the moment, ya know?" She moved her gaze to me as if she wanted me to know that she was listening. "We are alive now, aren't we? We're here and the titans are outside the walls, we're not fighting them yet, so cheer up while you can. I don't think you want to die with the regret of not enjoying your life at it's fullest."

"You're right, thanks." She faked a smile. "It's already a quarter to nine, we should go to sleep… We've got to wake up at five tomorrow morning."

"Yeah… We should." I answered but I was unsure about it, I wasn't tired at all. "But I think I'll wait for Sasha and Mikasa to come back."

"Do as you wish, I'm too tired." Sha said with a yawn. "Can you turn off the light for me?" I did as she asked and switched it off.

Minutes passed and I was there sitting in my bed waiting to get tired but my eyes remained wide open, Mikasa and Sasha came back and were now sound asleep but I couldn't get myself to close my eyes and relax.

I was just sitting there, thinking about what I said to Eliza, how could I try to cheer her up if I was afraid too? I was such a liar… Why did I always have to act strong? I clanched my jaw. I was such an idiot, Levi was right.

I kept changing positions and moving, not being able to even close one eyelid, it was probably so late now… I was going to be so fucking tired tomorrow. I sighed.

I tried once again to fall asleep but this time I heard footsteps and voices coming from outside, I jumped out of my bed, I had a bad feeling. Who could be up so late?

I got closer to the door, I couldn't fully hear what the voices were saying yet. It was a boy's voice talking. I pressed my ear closer to the door.

"I…. The Wall….. Get Eren back…." The voices were getting closer evey second. "Not yet….. protected…." Damn, why couldn't they talk louder.

"….. Mikasa….protecting him… can't risk to be found out." I could hear them a lot better now, what the hell were they talking about? "We need to keep acting for now." Said one of the two. "Don't worry, we'll finish the mission soon enough."

"Shut up, idiot, the dorms are here." Answered the other. What mission were they talking about? I had to talk to Commander Erwin about this! "Have you forgotten what we had to do to Marco after he found out?" I gulped, that couldn't be good.

"It's late anyway, I doubt there's someone still awake." Said one of the two, he didn't sound too concerned.

"We can't risk it, do you understand that?" They were walking away from where I was, I was soon not going to hear them anymore.

"I do." They suddenly stopped talking, but I could hear their footsteps getting further away every second. I waited, I had to talk to a superior about this. Was Erwin even there? I hadn't seen him at dinner and Hanji was missing too, they must have been away for some reason. Or maybe they just weren't hungry.

A really stupid idea came to my mind, what if I talked to Levi about it? I didn't want to see him but this was a serious matter, I couldn't just act like nothing happened. Personal feelings shouldn't get in the way.

I waited another couple of minutes to make sure the two guys were complitely gone.

I opened the door of the room and looked around, no one seemed to be around and it was dark too, I was safe. Darkness made me feel better, it didn't scare me in the slightest, I always felt protected by darkness, I prefered night to day, everything was so quiet and mysterious.

I started running towards Levi's room, I was lucky because it was actually really close. When I got in front of it, I hesitated, what if I woke him up? He would kill me. Could this wait until tomorrow? I was having so much doubts but then I finally convinced my self to knock. No answer. I knocked again, still no answer. He was sleeping.

"Captain Levi, please open up, it's important." I said. Than I had an awful thought: if the two guys that were talking were enemies the first person they would take out would be humanity's strongest soilder.

I gasped and opened the door, I was seriously worried. Levi wasn't in his bed. I was about to get an heart attack but then I saw him at his desk, his head was rested on it and his hand was still around a glass of some transparent liquid, I could tell it wasn't water.

I let out a sigh of relief, I was so happy to know he was ok. I closed the door of the room so that no body could hear our conversation. I got closer to the desk and sat down in front of him.

I looked around, everything was so neat and clean, it was actually hard to believe that such a man could be a neat freak, I was slowly finding out more about him. When my gaze met his face, my heart lost a beat, he looked so peacefull in his sleep, I spent a couple of minutes just admiring him, he was so handsome. I didn't want to wake him up. But I had to. I got up from the chair and got next to him, I rested a hand on his shoulder and shook it gently.

"Captain Levi…" I said softly. He groaned and slowly opened his eyes and lifted his head from the desk and brought his ice blue eyes on me.

"This better be really important, brat." He said, getting up, he still looked so sleepy. I gulped.

"It is." I answered, looking away. "I over heard a conversation… Somebody in the Survey Corps is a traitor." His eyes widened, he looked fully awake now.

"What did you hear? I need to know every single word." He hurringly got something from a drawer, a pen and a paper. "Tell me everything."

"They were two boys, I heard that they are planning to do something like getting somebody back… I think the name was Eren." Levi wrote everything down.

"Fuck!" He raised his voice. "You have to tell me who they were!"

"I don't know..." I looked down and felt a little ashamed but it wasn't my fault. "But I heard three names: Eren, Mikasa and Marco."

"Stop being fucking mysterious, why did they use those names?" Asked Levi, writing down the three names.

"They said they have to get Eren back but that Mikasa is protecting him and that they have to act like they are soilers for now." Levi wrote down everything, he was fast. "Then one of them said that they have to finish a mission. After that the other got mad beacause he was being too loud, he was afraid that someone could have heard the conversation. They also said something about killing a guy named Marco because he found out they were traitors…" I stopped, waiting for Levi to finish writing.

"Nothing else?" Asked Levi, looking up.

"That's it."

"That was a lot of information… I would have never thought that someone could be a traitor, but whose side could they be on? The titans?" Levi was just thinking out loud, trying to investigate.

"Captain…" I got his attention back.

"I thought I told you to call me Levi, brat." He said.

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes. "I just wanted to know… what happened to Marco?" I wanted had to know, since I could end up like that too for hearing the conversation.

"How am I supposed to know?" He answered.

"Oh… Who is Eren?" I asked.

"You haven't met him yet? Tch." He asked. "Mikasa Ackerman is your room mate, isn't she?" I nodded. "Eren Jager is the guy she's always with, he can transform into a titan." He paused for a second as I tried to picture who Mikasa hung out with. "Oh… Not the blonde guy, that's Armin Artlert." He added. I nodded.

"Well… Thanks for listening to me, Levi." I said with a smile and started walking towards the door. He caught my arm.

"Wait." I turned around to face him. "You shouldn't talk about this with anyone else, we don't know who the traitors are and they might have other allies. It's not convenient for you to end up like this Marco." I smirked.

"Is that your way of saying you are worried about me?" He blushed, that was so cute! I got back to being serious "Don't worry Levi, I don't wanna end up like Marco eather." I said before opening the door and getting out.

"Damn brat." I heard him say before closing the door.

So this is the end of Chapter 1, thanks for actually getting to this point, hope you liked it and that you will read the other chapters too :)


	2. Chapter 2

I got back to my room quietly, I was actually starting to get tired, finally. It was about two in the morning, I was screwed, training started at five! I sighed.

I slept for the three hours that I had left and got woken up by an hyper Eliza.

"Rise and shine." She said, i groweld in response. She rolled her eyes.

"I told you to go to bed early yesterday but you didn't listen to me, of course." She sounded annoyed but I couldn't care less, I was as tired as ever.

"Please… Just leave me alone for five minutes…" I answered weakly.

"No, I can't let you skip breakfast, it's the most important meal of the day." She sounded so determinated to get me out of bed that I all I could do was listening to her. The thought of having coffee was one of the only reason that got me out of bed.

Mikasa was already dressed, she was putting on her boots. Sasha was still sitting on the bed in her pijamas staring at something in front of her, she looked as tired as I was even if she slept a lot more.

"See you later." Said Mikasa in her usual cold tone before leaving the room.

"Yo, Sasha!" I said. "Snap out of it." She looked up at me and shook her head.

"Get dressed faster, will you? We'll be late." Eliza said. I rolled my eyes and quickly put on my uniform and 3D manouvre gear. I had been a soldier for years and I still had trouble with the uniform, it was so fucking hard to put on, all the straps were impossible to handle.

Eliza was waiting for me next to door, Sasha was also getting ready, she was a lot quicker than me. When I was finally done I reached Eliza by door and we went to the mess hall, Sasha was with us too but she left as soon as we got there. I could barely move, I was feeling the tiredest I had ever felt. The only thing that could help right now was coffee.

"Hey.. I'll go get some coffee, get a table meanwhile, ok?" I asked and left before she could even answer.

While walking to the coffee I noticed that Captain Levi was talking to Commander Erwin, he was probably telling him about yesterday but the only thing I could think of was how much I envied the people that were so awake. I yawned.

I drank four cups of coffee and I had to run to the bathroom but I was feeling better, still tired but less than I was before.

After breakfast all the members of the Survey Corps had to go to the stables so Commander Erwin could give us instuctions for training so we gathered outside but our superiors weren't showing up.

"Hey." Said a voice behind me, I turned around to a pair of big brown eyes staring at me, I smiled brightly at him.

"Gray!" I greeted him. "I didn't see you an Hannah yesterday, what's up?" I asked.

"Oh, I wasn't there, I and a couple of other dudes had to escort Commander Erwin and Hanji to the church, they didn't tell us the reason… I don't know about Hannah though, she isn't here today eather." He answered, I wasn't surprised that he was chosen to escort the Commander, he was the first in our class after all but why would Commander Erwin need to go to the church? He didn't look religious and neither did Hanji. I tried not to think too much about it.

"Don't worry about it. How did it go?" I asked. He sighed.

"Nothing happened, it was kind of boring… we just had to guard outside the church for them. Too bad Captain Levi wasn't there." I chuckled at his fanboyish comment. He looked up. "Oh and I found out Hanji is totally insane."

"Big deal, everybody knows that." Said Eliza.

"She almost killed a guy from hugging him too tight! I wasn't expecting her to be so scary eather…" He gulped.

"Yo! Brats!" Shouted a voice. We all turned around to see who it was and Captain Levi was there. I saw Gray's eyes sparckle as he saw humanity's strongest soilder, he was biting his lip to hold back a smile. "Erwin doesn't have time for your bullshit today so he decided to leave you in my hands."

I gulped, he couldn't be serious! I had never been trained by Captain Levi but from the looks in everone's faces I could already tell he was really harsh. "So… First of all, I want you brats to run around camp until it's 7 then meet me back here, I have something prepared for you. I'll come to check on you once in a while, if I catch one of you walking I'll beat the shit out of the idiot." We looked at each other, terrified. "So? What are you doing still here? Get a move on!" Shouted the Captain.

We started running, I was exhausted after only thirty minutes but I couldn't stop.

"C'mon Cath, this is probably nothing compared to what he's got prepared for us later." Said Gray, he noticed how tired I looked.

"Don't worry about later, knowing him he's just going to make us clean the whole place." Said a voice coming from next to me, I turned around to see who was talking. It was a brunette guy with huge greenish-yellow eyes. "I'm Eren, by the way." I widened my eyes. Eren? The guy that the traitors were after. I noticed that a blonde guy and Mikasa were next to him running like it was nothing.

"Nice to meet you! I'm Gray!" He said with a smile. "And she's Eliza but she's too shy to say it herself." He said, pointing at her, she blushed violently.

"I'm Cath." I said, I really couldn't talk, I was too much out breath.

"Oh… So you two are Mikasa's room mates?" He asked, I nodded.

"Well, it was nice to meet you." He smiled.

We didn't say anything else until it was finally seven, I was able to run trough the whole thing, I was so proud of myself. After we finished we walked to the stables to meet Captain Levi.

"Took you long enough, brats." He said. "So… Now that you're warmed up I want you guys to fight in a hand to hand combat, I already made the pairs." He said. My eyes widened, he wanted us to fight?! But he just made us run for two fucking hours, I didn't have the force to fight anyone!

He started calling out names of people who had to fight each other, for now I only heard some names I was familiar with.

"Eren Jager vs Jean Kirschtein"

"Berthold Hoover vs Sasha Braus"

"Mikasa Ackerman vs Ymir"

"Gray Zerchias vs Nash Blue"

"Armin Arlert vs Eliza Wright"

"Catherine Abrington vs Reiner Braun"

"Christa Renz vs Connie Springer"

Called out Captain Levi, I didn't know who Reiner Braun was, I looked around, looking for someone who wasn't paired up. I gulped when I saw a blonde, tall, mascular guy coming straight to where I was, he was twice my size! Why would Captain Levi do this to me? The guy kept walking towards me, I was sweating cold, he was so big! I looked up to see his face, he didn't look too evil but he still frightened me.

"I'm Reiner, nice to meet you… you must be new." He said, holding out his hand with a smile. I shook it. His voice sounded so familiar! Where did I hear it before?

"Yeah… This is my third day here, I'm Catherine but everybody calls me Cath." I tried to smile but all I could think about was that the huge hand I was shaking was about to hit my face real hard.

"Great… think you can take me on?" He asked, getting in position. I gulped.

"You bet.." I followed him in position, still thinking about his voice, where in the world did I hear it? I had never seen him before.

"So, are you all ready, brats?" Asked Captain Levi.

"Yes sir!" Everybody answered at unison.

"If one of you tries to hold back even a little bit I'll make sure not to hold myself back while I beat the person up." He said, giving us his death glare. "You got that, brats?"

"Yes sir!" We answered again.

"Whoever gets knocked out or surrenders has to come to clean with me after this, if you win the little match you are free for the rest of the day." He explained, damn it… I really didn't want to clean after this, I needed a long, nice, nap.

"You can start." He shouted as he pressed his back aginst the wall and crossed his arms.

I looked over at Eliza, she was smiling, of course she was, her opponent looked like a weakling. I saw one of the couples jumping at eachother with furious rage, I recognised one of them, it was Eren… he looked really pissed off and so did the other guy, they probably didn't like eachother very much.

I looked at Reiner, he was still in position, waiting for me to make the first move. So I did, I ran towards him and tried to punch his face, he caught my hand without a problem and punched my ribs with the other one, I clenched my jaw, that hurt a lot. I was starting to get mad.

I kicked his leg with all the force I had and he ended up on the ground. He was also getting pissed off, I tried to kick him again while he was still on the ground but he caught one of my legs with his hands and made me fall. I got back up imidiatley, before he could. I was back in fighting position.

He was back up before I expected. He came at me with full force, he tried to punch me but I was faster, I dodged his attack and punched his stomach not too hard, I didn't have enough time to punch him full force. I jumped back and away from him as fast as I could, it looked like he didn't even feel my punch. Damn.

He came at me again, I dodged again and tried to get him with a high kick but he caught my leg, my eyes widened, I was screwed, he grinned. Reiner grabbed my leg with both hands and threw me as hard as he could, I went flying and hit a guy who stopped me from hitting the wall.

"Damn it Reiner! She's new, try not to fucking kill her!" He shouted.

"Sorry Jean!" He answered.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to hit you." I said, getting back up.

"Don't worry… Not your fault." He got up too. But he didn't even have a chance to get the dust off him that Eren was back at trying to pick a fight.

"You fucking horse face! Stay focused!" The guy named Jean was able to dodge it and he completely lost interest in me and Reiner.

Now I was truly mad at him, why would he throw me at a wall?! He was beeing serious about this so I had to strike back at him with full force, I sarted running towards him, he waited for me, I crashed into him and my knee hit his face, I might have broken his nose. He embraced my waist with one of his arms and started hitting me with the other one, I landed a blow with my elbow on his face. He let go and I got back, unsteadily, I could barely stay up anymore… this was getting real serious.

I couldn't fight him with force, he was clearly stronger than me but he was quite slow so I might have had a chance. I looked at my sorroundings, I wasn't just fast I was also good with strategies.

He was standing next to a three, I smirked. I started running towards it, Reiner looked confused. I nimbly jumped and wraped my hands around a branch, I pulled my self up, and as my legs hanged loosely I kicked Reiner in the temple as hard as I could manage and got myself on the three before he could even recover.

"Get down here you coward." He said, he was holding his wound so I took the chance to jump on him from the three and knock him down.

I smiled, he was on the ground, eyes closed.

"Guess someone is going to have a hard day of cleaning." I said mockingly and started walking away from him, thinking I had won.

"Oh, shut up." He said. My eyes widened, I rembered his voice! He said the exact same thing yesterday night to whoever was with him, yes, he was the traitor. Before I could do anything he grabed my leg and made me fall on the ground, I hit my head so hard that I almost lost my sences. I tryed to get up but this time he outrunned me, he lifted me up and slammed against the three. Everything was so blury. Reiner Braun… he was it. He punched me where my ribs were, I groaned loudly. But only one thing was in my mind right now, I had to tell Levi.

"C-Captain…" I couldn't even speak properly.

"He isn't here, but don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to talk to him when you'll clean this whole place together." He said cruely. I clenched my fist. I wasn't going out without fighting.

I punched his face with all the strenght I had left, he litheraly flew away, the expression on his face was priceless. I smiled. Then a huge pain made me fall on the ground, everything turned black, damn it.

*Levi's P.O.V.*

The fights were going quite well, lots of people were going to come help with the cleaning. Eren and Jean knocked eachother out so both of them were coming, they were so childish, hating eachother for no good reason, I'd also say they're really similar, Eren just had a anger issue.

That was exactly why I decided to put them toghether, so they could go at eachother under my orders instead of making a big mess inside, like they alwas do, those idiots.

But I was kind of hoping to see who the stronger one was between the two (leaving out Eren's titan power) .

Sasha and Berthold, that pairing was just to see how strong Sasha Braus actually is and also to separate her from Connie for a damn second, I couldn't stand those two childish idiots toghether. Sasha won, Berthold decided to surrender after a while. I think it was more for chivalry rather than fear.

Mikasa vs Ymir, I was expecting Mikasa to win, of course, but it was a damn good fight. Ymir tryed to resist but she got distracted when she saw Christa getting hit by Connie, she was about to go "save" her but Mikasa knocked her out… I would have done that if she tried to get in a fight with Connie, I hadn't paired her up with him, damn brat, she only gave a shit about her blonde friend.

Gray Zerchias and Nash Blue were quite a good choice, it was a really good battle, Gray Zerchias had a lot of potential, even though he's a newbie he was one of the best in the group and he was able to prove himself again, he beated Nash without a problem, but Nash had been quite persitent, I'll give him that.

Armin and Eliza, I had to put the weak with the weak, but Wright's strenght surprised me, she looked worthless but I guess she wasn't. Armin surrendered after he got a little beat up I don't know if he did it not to get hurt or because he's a "gentleman", than he shook her hand and they started talking.

Christa and Connie, Connie won, of course… I didn't even know what the heck Christa was doing in the Survey Corps but we surely don't have damn time to worry about mrs. Nice Girl.

Catherine and Reiner was probably one of my most interesting choices, I know Reiner is a lot bigger and quite strong but I was sure she had chance, Reiner did knock her out but her fighting surprised me, she was fast, smart and stubborn, she was the only one that didn't surrender when she understood she had no chance.

I was disappointed about Reiner winning but it couldn't be helped, I had been too rough on her, but she had to get better.

That girl's attitude reminded me so much of Farlan and her hair were the exact same color as Isabelle… it was happening again, I was gettig attached to someone, damn it. I shook my head.

"Captain… where is my friend Catherine?" Asked a blushing brat in front of me.

"In the infirmary, she had quite a rough fight." Her eyes widened in worry.

"Thanks, Captain." She tried to leave but I stopped her.

"Wait." I said. "Tell your friend that she has to join me, Jean, Eren, Ymir, Berthold, Christa and Armin here at three, we have to clean. I'll let them recover meanwhile." She looked really pissed at me but I didn't give a shit, I threw her an intimidating glance, she looked down and started running towards the infirmary.

I sighed. It was hard to be a jerk all the time.

*Cath's P.O.V.*

 _Blood everywhere, on my hands, on the knife I was holding, on the walls, on the floor. My eyes widened, why was felling so relieved? I wiped some blood off my face and stood up from the lifeless body._

 _I let go of the kife and closed my eyes, I smirked, did I actually care about him? I started laughing insanely._

 _My eyes caught a crying, scared girl in front of me, I knew her… but I didn't care at all. She ran away and I totally forgot about her. My gaze got back to the dead man at my feet._

 _"My only regret is killing you so quickly!" I shouted with a crazy smile on my face._

" _Goodbye, old man." I added as I left the room._

My eyes opened slowly, I looked around but I coudn't see anything yet, everything was so blury. I brought one of my hands to rub my eyes. I felt so weird, why did I have that horrible flashback just now? I was trying to forget that moment but it just kept coming back to me.

I shook my head, trying to make my thoughts disapear. Where was I? What happened? Why was I hurting so much? I was laying down on a bed, I could feel that.

"Cath!" I looked at my side and Eliza was there.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"The infirmary, you got hurt during your fight with Reiner." She said, she sounded quite worried.

"Who's Reiner? Why was I fighting him?" I asked, getting up from the bed.

"You forgot? Captain Levi made us fight for training and he paired you up with a blonde, huge, mascular dude..." She said.

"Levi did that?" I asked. Something was coming back to me… I had to talk to Levi but I compleately forgot about what, I needed to tell him something important.

"Yeah, he's a big jerk for such a little guy." I chuckled and sat on the bed, I needed to recover fast, I hated being hurt. "What are you doing?! You're still wounded! You can't do that!" She said worriedly, I looked at her with a serious face.

"I'm fine." I said dryly. She looked down, I knew she just wanted to help but I didn't need it, I wasn't a hurt puppy. I remembered about the fights now, a little.

"So how did your fight go?" I asked.

"He was quite weak but very smart… he surrendered right away but we talked a lot, he's a nice guy." I smiled, she was finally beeing less shy. "He's from Shiganshina District." My eyes widened.

"What? He saw the colossal and armored titan?" I asked. She nodded. Why would he join the Survey Corps if he knew what he was up against?

"He's Eren and Mikasa's friend, they were there too…" I looked down, I felt sorry for them. "By the way… You'll have time to talk to him yourself, you need to join him, Levi and another bunch of people in a couple of minutes back at the stables, he wants you guys to help him clean the whole place." Damn! I forgot about that.

"Yay." I said ironically. "How long have I been knocked out for?" I asked.

"I don't know, a couple of hours." I gulped, that Reiner really messed me up.

"Thats a long time…" I said. "Well, I'd rather get there sooner, Levi is scary." I said, standing up. "See you later, enjoy your free time!" I said as I left the room with a smile, she looked unsure but I didn't care, I had to tell Levi something… I just needed to remember. As I was walking, burried in my thoughts, I crashed into someone. I looked up, he was blonde, tall and mascular… Reiner.

"Oh… I'm sorry." I said.

"No, I am. I was just coming to the infirmary to check if you were alright, I feel bad for what happened." He looked down, I smiled. "Hope you don't hate me now."

I smiled. "Don't worry!" I said, he looked up at me in shock. "I hurt you too and I'm also sorry, I got carried away."

I noticed his cheek was purple, I must have punched him. Damn. "So… let's just act like nothing happened, ok?" I said.

"That'd be great." He smiled.

"Sure… I've got to go now, catch ya later!" I said and left quite fast. I was happy he apologized but he seemed like a fake person to me, I just couldn't bring myself to trust him. Something felt off about him.

When I got to the stables I was glad to see that Levi was already there, leaning against the wall, gazing at the clouds… he was waiting for us, alone.

"Captain!" I shouted, reaching him. He turned his head towards me, he looked surprised.

"Damn… you're quick at recovering!" He said. "And you're here quite early, too." He noticed.

"Yeah… I'd rather be here early, I wouldn't want to get on your bad side and end up fighting an actual titan in hand to hand combat." I paused for a second. "Again." He rolled his eyes.

"I had my reasons to do that, I'm sorry you ended up in the infirmary but you could have surrendered." He said, crossing his arms.

"I don't surrender, ever." I answered.

"Good to know." He said. "Well, since you're a weak idiot I'll make sure I give you an easier opponent next time." I shook my head.

"No. I like pushing my limit, what I don't understand is why you decided to put me with him if you never even saw me fighting before, I could have been the weakest one out of all them but you still decided to put me against _him._ I don't get it. Were you trying to test me? Did you think I could pull it off? Or do you just hate me because I hit you with a door when we met?" He chackled. I widened my eyes, I had never seen him laugh or smile, it sounded so nice. I couldn't help it but smile too.

"Look, brat, I already told you that I don't care about that. I decided to put you with Reiner because I believe in you, don't be so paranoid." I blushed violently, I looked away, I didn't want him to see that… Damn, that was so uncalled for!

"Thank you, Captain." I smiled. "Please keep believing in me, I won't let you down." I put a closed hand on my heart and the other one on my back, doing the military salute. He smiled.

"Then try to win the next time." He said, getting serious again.

"I will!" I looked at him, he could be nice if he wanted to and I really apriciated that.

"So… what must we do?" I asked.

"When the others get here you get the cleaning suplies and then I'll explain everything." He said.


	3. Chapter 3

"You damn suicidal bastard! You should be here alone!" I heard a voice shouting behind me. I turned around, Eren and the guy he was fighting before, Jean, were fighting again.

"I was clearly winning, you stupid horse face!" Answered Eren.

"No you weren't! I knocked you out first! And besides, you're weak without your damn titan form protecting you!" Said Jean, smirking provocativley. Eren was boiling in rage.

"We'll settle this!" Said Eren, grabbing Jean's shirt.

"Oh, I'm so scared." Answered Jean ironically. "I'll crush you before the titans have a chance to do it." Levi wasn't saying anything but I could feel he was getting ready to murder them.

"Not if I crush you first!" Shouted Eren, getting ready to punch him. I was feeling nervous, what was I supposed to do to save those two idiots from Levi's wrath?

"Captain… Should I try to make them stop?" I asked.

"I'll do it." He clenched his fist and started walking towards them. I stopped him, I didn't want them to die! I ran past Levi and got to them first.

"Guys, you should really stop, Captain Levi is getting kinda pissed off." I said, pushing them away from each other. Eren's eyes widened as his gaze turned to Captain Levi, he was terrified of him for some reason. He saluted him.

"Captain, I'm sorry!" He said, looking in front of him. Levi was still looking at them with a death glare. Jean saluted too.

"Sorry…" He said, looking down.

"Get. To. Work." He said in a really angry tone. That's what I get for thinking he was nice. I walked away with Eren and Jean to get the cleaning supplies.

"Thanks about that, really." Said Jean as I got a bunch of brooms.

"Yeah… Sorry, we got carried away." Agreed Eren. I smiled.

"Don't worry about it, I'd avoid fighting around him if I were you, at least for today." I said, walking back outside.

On my way out I met someone unexpected.

"Let me help with that." He said.

"Gray? What are you doing here?" I asked, I was absolutely sure he won the match.

"I asked the guy who lost if I could come cleaning with Captain Levi in his place." He said, blushing. I laughed.

"Maybe you two end up in the same room and start doing things, who knows." I teased him. He laughed.

"You know I'm straight, I just really admire him… He's so cool!" He said, his eyes were sparkling again.

"I know, I was just kidding… Now, make yourself useful." I said, handing him the brooms I was carring. "Bring them outside to the Captain, he'll tell us what to do after everything's there." He nodded and walked outside.

After we were done with the supplies and all of the others arrived Captain Levi started giving us instructions.

"Great, I see you're all here." He said, looking at us. His gaze stopped on Gray for a second as if he wanted to point out that he wasn't supposed to be there. "Abrington and Kirschtein you guys clean the dorms. Arlert, Ymir and Lenz the bathrooms, we need lots of people there... Jeager, Zerchias and Hoover are coming with me, we're claning all the rest." He stopped to give us a intimidating glance. "I want everything to be fucking spotless! Got it, brats?" He racomended us, walking away with Eren, Berthold and Gray after him.

Who the hell were Kirschtein, Lenz, Ymir and Hoover? I looked around, Armin and two girls were walking away toghether so Kirschtein was…

"So your name is Catherine Abrington?" Asked Jean.

"Yes, Jean Kirschtein." I answered ironically. We both didn't say anything for a while.

"This is so unfair, we have to clean all the dorms by ourselfs?" Said Jean with an annoyed tone.

"Better if you don't complain, I'd rather clean the dorms than the bathrooms." I said as I picked up some cleaning supplies. Jean soon came to help and we walked to the dorms.

"Where should we start?" I asked.

"Your room's closer." He said, opening the door. Lukily Eliza wasn't there, she would have gotten a heart attack if she saw a guy like Jean walk into our room like that.

"Sure…" I said. We started cleaning with a little awkward silence. I was washing the window when Jean decided to talk.

"I like your freckles." He said. I blushed, why would he say something like that now? Was he flirting with me?

"Thanks." I answered with a small smile.

"They remind me of my best friend." He said, without taking his eyes off the floor he was sweeping.

"Who is he?" I asked. "I haven't seen anyone with freckles around." His fingers tightened around the mop.

"He's dead." He said dryly. I froze. Damn, why couldn't I just keep my damn mouth shut.

"Oh…" I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter, he's probably in a better place now." He kept looking down as I bit my lip.

"At least he doesn't have to sweep a damn floor that's already clean because his midget boss is obsessed with cleaning!" He said with an annoyed tone. I would have laughed at the joke but I was still feeling sad for him. He lost his best friend… I don't know what I would have done if I lost Eliza. He seemed to notice it was bothering me.

"I don't need your pity, just act like I didn't tell you anything… I'm fine now." He stopped sweeping and was now looking at me. I nodded. Awkward silence followed.

When I finished cleaning the window I made the beds and put everything away while Jean was doing other stuff I didn't bother to notice.

When we both finished we stood at the entrance, admiring our work. We high fived and moved on to the room he was sharing with Connie, Armin and Eren. No one was inside so we started cleaning everything in silence, too focused on cleaning to talk.

As I was putting away their clothes I came across a pair of dirty boxers, damn, boys were so gross.

"What do I do with this?" I asked, lifting them up with only two fingers not to touch it too much, cum was all over them. Jean blushed violently and scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"Those are emh..." He thought about it for a couple seconds. "Connie's boxers, you should put them with the dirty laundry." He said, I could tell those were his, he took too long to come up with a name. I threw the boxers with the dirty laundry.

"Sorry about that." Whispered Jean nervously. I smirked.

"So they are yours after all…" He blushed again. I laughed at him. "No need to be shy about it, all boys do it." I said with a smirk.

"I'd rather have somebody doing it for me." He said with a smirk, he just turned the situation around, I was the one blushing now, damn him. "How can you be so conftable talking about this?" He asked.

"None of your business." I said, getting on the defensive.

"Hey, calm down! I'm not saying it's a bad thing." He said, lifting an eyebraw.

My face was still red, I could feel it.

"Whatever, get back to work." I said, getting back to what I was doing. I felt sorry for being rude to him but I really didn't want to talk about my past, it was horrible and I didn't want him to know, not yet.

Silence was back, again. I hated silence but I'd rather have that than embarassing conversations.

We quickly washed that dorm too and finished with the others quite soon, we were surprised that it didn't take really long, it was easy enough. What were we supposed to do now?

The answer came when Captain Levi came to check on us…

"Why are the two of you slacking off?" He asked, giving us his death glare. I gulped.

"We are done with the dorms." Answered Jean.

"Oh, are you?" He said. "I'm the one who decides if you're done or not." Jean rolled his eyes while the Captain wasn't looking. Levi walked away, entering the dorms to check our work.

When he walked out I couldn't tell if he was pleased with what we'd done or not, he was so emotionless all the time, how could he be like that?

"Re-do everything." He said.

"What?!" Shouted Jean.

"Shut it, Kirschtein." He looked straight at him, warning him not to say anything else but Jean was too angry.

"We cleaned everything perfectly! How is that not enough?!" He raised his voice, we were so screwed but I did agree with him.

"Kirschtein, you're coming with me." Jean was nervous but he started walking towards him. I had to save his ass again so I grabbed his wrist.

"Please Sir, let him stay here." I asked. "I can't do everything alone, I need him to help me." I tried to keep a straight face.

"He needs to learn some damn respect." Answered the Captain. I kept looking at him, not letting go of Jean. He looked at my face and at Jean's wrist then he sighed. "Fine, I'll let him finish here." He moved his eyes to Jean. "I'll deal with you later." Then he walked away with his fists clenched. I let go of Jean.

"Jean, if you like living I sugest you stop pissing him off." I wispered, I didn't want the Captain to hear me. "Look, I'm exhausted and I don't want to re-do everything too but he doesn't have to know it."

"I know, but I'm like this… I always say what I think, even if I shouldn't." He looked down. "Thanks for saving me from him, again." He smiled sweetly. He just stared at me for a couple of seconds. "You really remind me of him, a lot… always helping everybody." He said, I'm not sure if he was thinking out loud or what but he must have been talking about his freackled friend who died. I looked down. "Sorry, I'm doing it again…" He said.

"It's ok." I answered. "At least you have emotions, unlike somebody else we know…" I said, refering to Captain Levi. Jean chuckled, getting the joke. I didn't actually mean it, I knew that people like him were usually like that because of some horrible past but right now I was trying to cheer up a comrade, I didn't care if I had to say something I didn't mean.

"Let's re-do everything." I said with a unhentusastic smile. As we were cleaning the rooms again we were actually able to keep up a conversation, Jean told me about his time in the 104th trainee squad: all the fun stuff they did toghether, his rivalry with Eren, his crush on Mikasa and how he got over it, when a group of bandits kidnapped Christa while they were doing survival training, that he wanted to join the Military Police and what made him change his mind, how much his mother annoyed him and about his childhood, I loved listeing to him and realizing that we were quickly becoming friends.

I also told him about my time with the trainee squad but I kept quiet about everything that happened before it. He was quite a fun guy if you didn't get on his wrong side.

When only two rooms were left we were exhausted and we decided that we should split up and clean one each so it would be quicker, I could see the sun setting from the window, it had to be about six or seven in the evening, Levi made us clean for hours, damn him!

When I got to the room I had to clean (again) and now that Jean wasn't here to keep me company I was getting super angry and tired, my damn eyelids couldn't even stay open.

"Fuck him." I whispered. "And his damn cleaning obsession." I clenched my jaw while I kept sweeping the floor. "I'm your superior so you have to sweep the floor as many times as I fucking want, everything has to be spotless you stupid brats." I imitated him, not even realizing I was saying it out loud. "Hey you, you are breathing too loudly, learn some god damn discipline." I chuckled at my own imitation, I felt like that was the only thing that could keep me awake right now. "It's super important to know how to clean to fight the titans!" I said ironically. I sighed. Why was the floor never ending? "I bet he makes us clean because he can't reach anywhere too high." I laughed again.

"Having fun?" Asked a voice coming from behind me. I gasped as I felt my blood freeze in my veins as I kept standing there, he was behind me.

"C-Captain… what did you hear?" I asked, not turning around.

"Everything." He said, crossing his arms. I gulped. I dropped the mop I was holding and I turned around, he was a step away from me. He stepped towards me and I stepped back, going on until my back was against the wall, he punched the wall right next to my face, moving closer to me. I felt so small, his intimidating little eyes were planted in mine, I felt so scared yet attracted.

"I'm s-sorry… I didn't mean that." I said, looking away from his scary stare, my heart was pounding so fast I thought it was about to explode. He was inches away from me, his lips inches from mine, I would be lying if I said I didn't think of a kiss.

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to feel scared or good. He didn't move for a while, I was looking at his lips but I knew he was staring, I dared to move my eyes to his, challenging him. He didn't even look angry, he was just trying to scare me and I din't want to fall for it.

"Actually, I did mean it." I said. "You can't order us to do useless chores while you're supposed to be teaching us how to survive outside the walls!" I raised my voice, arching my eyebraws.

He got a little closer and all the confidence I had faded away, again. I was about to faint, it was to much for me. I closed my eyes, not sure if I was supposed to expect a punch or a kiss, instead I felt his warm breath on my ear. I shivered, my heart was pounding so hard I could hear it. It felt so good yet so scary. Adrenaline shot trough my body.

"Quit complaining and get back to work, brat." He whispered. I opened my eyes and saw him walk away, I was speechless, what was that?! I felt my face heat up like crazy and my legs were suddently failing me, I fell to the ground with my back pressed against the wall as I kept staring at the door he left from.

What was wrong with me? Why was my heart pounding like that? My face was burning so much. I never felt so embarassed in my life. I had always been able to stand up to everybody, why not with him? Why was he able to intimidate me just by looking at me? I hated this!

I shook my head, I had to finish the cleaning.

It didn't take me too long to clean the rest, I wasn't sleepy anymore, not after that. I kept thinking of him, he was so close.

After I finished everything I met up with Jean and we started walking to the mess hall toghether, it was already dinner time, we had been cleaning for five damn hours. We talked about how much we hated cleaning, we made jokes and laughed about it, I was really starting to like him, he was really pleasant to be around. But all I could think about was that little confusing moment I had with Levi.

When we got there I saw that Eliza and Gray were toghether so I said goodbye to Jean and met up with them.

"Hey." I said, greeting them.

"Finally! Cath! Why did it take you so damn long?" Asked Gray, Eliza looked worried too.

"Your midget idol made me and Jean re-do everything." I answered. "You'll see how clean the damn rooms are, we made them fucking perfect."

"That's great!" Smiled Eliza, I smiled too, she was too cute when she was happy.

"So, how's the horse-face guy?" Asked Gray, elbowing me. I rolled my eyes.

"Why does everybody call him that? He does not look like a horse." I answered, shooting a glare at his direction. "He's cool, I think he's the closest thing I have to a friend apart form you two."

"That's good to know, you have a substitute in case we get eaten by the titans!" Joked Gray, Eliza laughed but I didn't find it that funny.

"How was it to stay with the Captain?" I asked Gray, I knew he couldn't wait to tell us. His face lightened up.

"It was awesome! I asked him so much questions!" He smiled. "He called me annoying but I don't think he actually meant it." I chuckled, he probably did mean it.

We finished eating quickly and finally got back to our dorms, I was tired as shit, I just wanted to get a lot of sleep that day had been super rough.

I feel asleep the moment I touched the bed.

" _What's a little girl like yourself doing here?" Asked a guy's voice, waking me up. He smirked._

" _I-I was sleeping." I said, getting up from the corner I was curled up in and stepping away from him, one of his friends laughed. I wanted to run away, they didn't seem like good news… unlukly I was surrounded. I gulped, a wall was behind me and they were blocking the way._

" _Well, we don't want any homless little brats here." Said one of the guys, getting closer. "But I guess I could do something with you before kicking your ass away from here." I clenched my tiny fist, I didn't want anybody to touch me ever again._

 _He didn't scare me, not after what I did._

" _I can stay here as much as I want! You don't own the place!" I shouted, I was so stupid, why did I have to challenge everybody? He grabbed my arm, I tried to free myself, looking at him with the most intimidating glance I could manage._

" _Trying to act tough?" He laughed, he punched my face, I screamed._

" _What's going on here?" Asked a voice coming from behind the four of them. A blonde guy was standing there with his arms crossed._

 _The guys' eyes widened and he let go of me imidiatley. Why were they so scared? He didn't look dangerous._

" _What do you want?" Asked one of the guys._

" _Leave her alone." He answered, not moving._

" _Make us." My savior rolled his eyes._

" _You really want to end up dead?" He looked scary for a second, I gulped, the thugs looked scared too. I stepped back until my back was pressing against the wall._

 _The four guys decided to leave without fighting the blonde, when they left he came closer, I didn't trust him yet, I looked around for somewhere to escape but something made me stay._

 _He put a hand inside is pocket and I started regreting my decision, what if it was a knife?_

 _He took my hand with a kind smile on his face, I didn't dare to move, he put a piece of bread in it. I stared at him in shock._

" _You look hungry." I said with a smile. I took the bread._

 _"Thank you." I said, simply._

" _What's your name?" He asked._

" _I'm… Catherine." I answered, biting the bread._

" _I'll call you Cath, ok?" I nodded, he was the first person who was ever kind to me in my entire life. "So, Cath, how old are you?" He asked._

" _I'm 8." I answered, his eyes widened._

" _Why are you alone?" He asked. "You're far too young to be alone here, the underground is dangerous." He said, unluckly I knew that, I felt it on my skin._

" _I can take care of myself… I would have beaten those guys if I had a knife." I kept eating, looking away from his worried face._

 _He laughed. "You're a tough little thing, uh." He jocked, I rolled my eyes. "I wish I could help you a bit more…" He looked up then at me again. "Look, what if we meet here every day at nine? I'll bring you food and make sure you're allright." He smiled._

" _Ok, but… why are you so kind to me, sir?" I asked._

" _I don't want you to go trough what I have…" He looked sincere. "I wish I could take you home with me but my friend would probably get mad." He scratched the back of his neck. "But I guess it can't hurt to ask him, right?" He smiled again and I shook my head._

" _No, I don't want to live with anyone." I didn't trust anyone anymore. He didn't ask anything, he just got back to being serious._

" _It's ok…" He looked up. "I have to go now, I'll see you tomorrow." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder and looking back ar me, I smiled to him and nodded. While he started walking away I stopped him._

" _Wait!" I shouted, he turned around to look at me. "What's your name?" I asked. He smiled._

" _I'm ..._

"WAKE UP LAZY ASS!" Shouted a girl's voice. My eyes shot open and everything faded, I was in my bed in the Survey Corps.

Before fully awakeing my thoughts went back to the dream/flashback I just had, I had compleately forgotten about looking for him… he had to be here, I knew he left me in the underground to join the Survey Corps. I had to find him.

I sat on my bed and rubbed my head, feeling my messy shoulder-lenght hair.

"Could you be more gentle when you wake people up?!" I shouted back at Eliza. She was already dressed, of course.

The whole day went by with training, Erwin gave us instructions, he was a lot more gentle then Levi.

When he finally let us off the hook, around five, I decided I had to find him at all costs, that flashback I had in my dream was probably telling me that he was here, I just had to look for him.

I felt a huge wave happiness at the thought of seeing him again, I couldn't help it but smile… I wandered what he was going to say if he saw how much I had grown. I was curious to see if he changed, too.

I ditched Gray and Eliza and started looking in all the places that I could think of, maybe he was on a mission, that must be why I never saw him at dinner or anywhere around HQ.

Feeling quite down, I decided I should just ask Erwin, I didn't want to bother him but this was just too important to me.

I walked up to Erwin's office and knocked on the door, I could hardly contain my excitement, I was going to find him again, we were so close I could feel it.

"State name and business." Answered a familiar voice.

"Catherine Abrington, I have a question." I answered.

"Come in, brat." Wait… Erwin never called us brats, when I opened the door I wasn't surprised to find Levi sitting at Erwin's desk, writing on a paper.

"Really? Erwin makes _you_ do his paperwork?" I crossed my arms.

"Tch, he's busy." Was his answer. "What do you want?" He asked.

"I was looking for a person who joined the Survey Corps a lot of years ago." I answered. "I'm not sure if he's still here, I haven't seen him in a really long time." Levi looked up from his paper.

"Just say the damn name." He rolled his eyes, getting back to writing.

"Farlan Church." I said softly. He dropped the pen he was holding, I got worried.

What was wrong? He was looking down, not saying anything but I knew he was feeling a huge wave of emotions inside of him, I let him think until I decided to interupt him.

"What's wrong? Are you ok, Levi?" I was getting seriously worried, I had never seen the Captain do that.

"How do you know him?" He asked, not looking up.

.

.

.

Author's note:

Hey everyone.. I wanted to tell you that I'm not sure if I should continue this story, there aren't much people following it and even if I enjoy writing it I feel like it's kind of useless since there are like 3 people actually reading it, I hope some more people start reading it, I'm sorry for everyone who likes it. I'll post some other chapters but I can't guarantee I'll finish it.

Thanks for reading to this point, hope you like the story :)

-Maddy


	4. Chapter 4

* Flashback *

" _What's up Cath?" Asked a friendly voice coming from behind me, I smiled, he came after all._

 _"Took you long enough, Farlan." I turned around to face him with a smirk._

" _Hey, don't complain, I still came… I was discussing something with my friends." He said, handing me some bread. I took it, just like I did the day we met._

" _What were you discussing about?" I asked. All of his happiness and cheerfullness turned into a sad look._

" _Cath…" He wispered. I looked at him with worry. "You can take care of yourself now, right?" What was he saying? I just couldn't understand. "I'm afraid this is the last time we'll ever see each other." I droped the bread from shock, it couldn't be. I felt a strange sensation of tingling in my eyes, I wanted to cry for the first time in years._

" _Why, Farlan?" I asked, holding in the tears. "Did I do something wrong?"_

" _Of course not… I'm going up, to join the Survey Corps and fight the titans." My eyes widened. How could it be? The goverment would never let anyone leave the underground. "The commander himself said he wanted me and my friends to join." He answered. "But don't worry, it's not like I'm letting you to starve to death" He smiled but I knew he wasn't actually happy. "I found you a job in a pub, it doesn't pay much but I trust the owner and he has a room, so you can live there." I was still about to cry, I didn't care, I just wanted Farlan to stay with me._

" _I don't care about all that!" I shouted. Tears filling my eyes. His expression turned sad again._

" _Cath, promise me you'll find a way to get out of the underground and live a happy life." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder, it felt so warm, I didn't want him to leave me. I nodded._

" _We'll meet again." I said, not beeing able to hold myself back anymore, I started sobbing and jumped on him, burring my head in his chest. "I'll miss you so much, Farlan." I sobbed._

" _Miss you too, little one." He hugged back._

*End flashback*

"When I was a kid I used to be homeless and he used to help me out… but one day he left to join the Survey Corps so I was just assuming he was still here." Levi looked up at me, he looked like he was in deep pain. "Looks like he isn't though, I haven't seen him anywhere."

"So you're from the underground city?" My eyes widened, how could he know that?

"I am." I answered and gulped, fearing he would know something else about my past.

"So am I." He crossed his arms as if he wanted to protect himself, he looked so sad, the expression was the same but his eyes weren't, they showed all the pain he was feeling like a window to his soul.

"I would have never guessed that a brat like you could be from the underground." I didn't answer. "You've probably been trough some fucked up shit." He had no idea of how right he was. "I don't understand why you joined the military, you could have lived happily now that you're outside, are you a masochist or something?" I clenched my fist, it was enough.

"That's none of your business, tell me where Farlan is and I'll leave." I said, arching my eyebraws. Levi looked surprised and even more hurt than before.

Silence filled the room for what seemed like ours. I already understood that what he was going to say would be really painfull, but I hoped with my whole heart that it wasn't what I thought… I couldn't even think about Farlan being gone.

"He died on his first expedition." My eyes widened and I fell to my knees. I was expecting something like this but I would have never expected that hearing it would hurt so much. Levi kept looking at me, he was doing his best to keep his usual stoic expression but his eyes were in deep pain, why was he so shook about Farlan's death? "So you are the reason he used to sneak out everyday?" He asked, I nodded but I wasn't really paying attention to him, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. Then I realized, how could he know he snuck out? I looked up at him in shock.

"Who are you?" I asked, holding in the sobs.

"He was the best friend I ever had." He avoided my eyes and gulped.

"You are the friend who lived with him in the underground?" I asked. Levi simply nodded. I got up and moved closer to his desk, he looked up at me. "He didn't die for nothing, right?" I asked. He didn't answer, he just looked away from me again.

"I avenged him." He answered dryly. I felt more tears filling my eyes, I put my hands on Erwin's desk not to fall down from the pain in my chest. I started sobbing while trying to hold it in. I didn't want to look weak in front of Levi but I couldn't help it.

"Levi…" I sobbed. He looked at me again, his eyes were lucid. "Thank you." I managed to say between sobs.

He didn't answer, he just got up and wraped his arms around me as I kept crying. Sometimes there was no need for words, I felt the broken pieces of his soul trying to fix mine as I was doing the same. I felt so good and _complete_ while I was in his arms.

We stayed in that position for a really long period of time, it took me a while to let it all out. Levi simply kept his arms around me without complaining or saying anything, he was so strong yet so fragile… I held on thighter to him.

When I finally stopped crying, I let go of him and backed off. His eyes were red too but I pretended not to notice. "Thanks, I feel a lot better…" I said, wiping my eyes. It must have been so hard for him, I felt so guilty for reminding him of his dead friend and making him recall lost memories but I tried not to let it bother me.

"Farlan really cared about you." He said, changing the subject. I clanched my fists, holding in the pain.

"I know he did." I answered, trying not to cry again.

"How did you get out of the underground?" He asked, changing the subject. I gulped, I couldn't tell him that, just thinking about it made me want to puke.

"I was arrested, that's all you need to know." I answered, avoiding the reason. He understood that it was probably personal, so he just nodded.

"Well, since Farlan cared about you I'll make sure to protect you." He said, sitting back down, getting back to his usual self.

"I don't need protection." I answered. He didn't say anything. I wiped my eyes for the last time.

"You should go wash your face, you're a mess." I knew he didn't mean in a rude way and even if he did, I couldn't care less… I knew he was actually kind on the inside. So i simply nodded and gave him a sweet smile.

"Thank you, Captain Levi…" I whispered and left.

I walked away, and got back to my room where I found Eliza and Gray talking, I greeted them but I really didn't want them to be there right now, I just wanted to be alone.

"Cath… what the fuck happened to you? Where were you? Why are your eyes red?" Asked Gray.

"I was talking to Captain Levi." I answered, sitting down on Eliza's bed, next to her.

"You were?!" He asked, with an idiotic smile, he was fangirling again.

"Yeah." Ichuckled at his reaction but I wasn't feeling happy.

"The midget made you cry?" Asked Eliza with the most serious tone she could manage.

"Don't call him that!" Shouted Gray.

"Shut up, fangirl." She rolled her eyes, and got her attention back to me.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm fine." I clenched my fist.

"I'm not buyin' it." Answered Eliza, crossing her arms. I didn't answer.

"So… Did you find who you were looking for?" Asked Gray, trying to change the subject.

"No." I looked down, covering my face with my hair. "He's dead."

"That explains it…" He said, looking away. "Was he that important?" He asked.

"You have no idea." My eyes were getting watery again. I clenched my jaw.

"Of course I don't, you never tell us anything about your past." He said.

I wanted to curse at him, I was so mean when it came to my past but I didn't regret it, it was the only way to keep people from asking.

"Gray, just leave her alone, she doesn't want to talk about it." I mentally thanked Eliza for understanding me.

"I was just trying to have a conversation." He said, crossing his arms.

"Guys… Can I go? I'd rather stay alone right now…" I said.

"Sure…" Said Eliza with a worried look on her face. I quickly left the room and started running away, towards the forest close-by, we usually used it for 3D manouvre gear training. I didn't know where I was going but it felt like it was the right thing to do. If only I could run forever, I would have run away from everything and everyone.

But I couldn't. I only stopped when I was too tired to continue, I threw myself on the ground and started looking at the sky between the threes, the sun was setting, judging on the beautiful orange color of the sky. I loved it, after living my all life in the underground city I learned to apreciate everything, the clouds and the birds were flying freely, I couldn't stop looking at the beauty of the world, I wandered if it was this beautiful everywhere outside the walls.

That was one of the reasons why I joined the Survey Corps, I was sick of beeing caged all the time, I was craving freedom, total freedom.

It seemed like only two minutes had passed but I soon noticed that the sky had turned black and the stars were out. I spent more time admiring the night sky until I finally decided to get up and go back to HQ. I sighed, I wanted to stay there forever.

As I was walking back I heard a voice shouting, I couldn't hear what it was saying though, I tried to ignore it until it came closer and I noticed it was calling my name.

I shouted back and waited to find out who it was. Soon I heard the sound of the 3D manouvre gear on top of me.

"You idiot! I got an heart attack! I thought you were attacked by a bear or something!" Shouted an angry voice, it was Gray. He jumped down, in front of me.

"S-sorry… I didn't realize it was so late." I answered, looking down, I felt guilty for making him worry.

"Damn you." He answered and grabbed a signal flare, I looked at him in confusion. "I have to let Jean know I found you, he's also looking for you." I was feeling even more giulty now. He shot a green flare in the sky, it was barely visible but the sound should have been enough to give away our position.

Gray grabbed me, knowing I didn't have my manouvre gear with me, and headed back to HQ with me on his shoulder. I soon saw that Jean was behind us. When we finally got back, Gray put me down, and I noticed a short figure coming towards us, looking angry.

"Damn… It's the Captain!" Said Jean, his face was a mask of terror.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"He said we weren't authorised to come look for you…" Answered Gray with a really dumb little smile on his face.

"Thanks guys." I whispered, biting my lip. I was feeling so damn guilty.

"You idiots!" Said Levi, reaching us. I noticed the anger in his voice. "I can't believe you two disobeyed one of my orders!" He was so pissed I could feel it.

"Captain, I'm so sorry, we just wanted to help our friend." Said Gray, saluting him.

"Shut the fuck up." Gray bit his lip. "You both get stable duty for the next month!"

"S-sir… this is my fault, please don't punish them." I said, hoping he would let them off the hook.

"Tch, damn right it is." He answered. "What the fuck were you thinking?" I didn't answer, I knew it was a rethorical question. "If you're gonna react like that every time you're upset you are not suited to be a soilder." My eyes widened, that hurt… Levi was starting to cool down again, why was he so angry at us? I couldn't understand but I was so mad at what he just said, it hurt more than I thougth. I knew I was suited to be a soilder, I had trained so hard to get to where I was now, he couldn't just say that.

"I'm sorry! Ok? Is that what you want to hear?!" I clenched my fist and arched my eyebraws. Levi glared at Jean and Gray.

"You two can go, I'll let you get off with a warning but it's the last time. You better not disobey me ever again!" When they left he got his gaze back at me.

"What's your problem?!" I raised my voice.

"You are the problem." He answered calmly, I hated how calm he was right now, I was so mad I wanted to punch him. "You're too hotheaded and you act to much on your emotions. You do understand that emotions can't get in the way out there, right?" He got closer, my anger was slowly fading away. "I'm concerned about how you reacted about Farlan, if you do that for everyone you know, you won't be able to handle it. You are too psychologically weak to handle being a soldier" My eyes widened, he went over the edge.

"You don't know a thing about me!" I shouted. "Don't act like you do, beacause you fucking don't!" I felt tears reaching my eyes as I kept looking into his, not feeling the slightest bit of insicurity. "You have no idea of what I've been trough, you can't assume things!"

"Tch, I'm not assuming, brat, I'm just telling you the way I see it." He crossed his arms. I took a deep breath, trying to cool down.

"How can I make you change your mind?" I asked, avoiding his eyes, he looked surprised, he wasn't expecting this kind of answer.

"Tch. You can't. Why do you even want to?" He asked. I felt like punching him right now, but I was able to convince myself not to do it. I sighed, trying to let go some more of my anger.

"Because you're my superior." I clenched my fist.

"Lying to me again?" He asked. I looked at my hand, damn it. I shighed again.

"I don't have to explain myself to you." I answered.

"Yes you do." He said, looking straight at me.

"And why is that?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Because, as you said, I'm your superior." I clenched my jaw, he could be really annoying if he wanted to.

"Can I ask you something?" I said in a annoyed tone and didn't wait for his answer. "Why do you give a shit if I care about other people?"

"As I said, I'm worried about the way you reacted to Farlan's death. If that happened to one of your friends on the battle field you wouldn't be blinded by sadness and hatred, and you'd end up dead." He answered.

"Why do you even care if I die?!" I raised my voice again. He looked down, I could spot a little blush on his cheeks.

"I care about every single one of my men, you're not any different." He lowered the tone of his voice. I must admit I was a little disappointed… I was hoping he would see me as more than just one of his soldiers by now.

"Well… I'm sorry but it's the way I am, I care about others. As much as I try to hide it, I'd give my life for all of them." I was feeling my anger slowly fading away, realizing that the heartless Captain Levi was worring about me. "I'd give my life for you, too." I whispered, looking down. His eyes widened, he looked hurt.

"Tch. Don't say that." He said, looking at me arshly, it sounded like an order.

"It's the truth." I answered. "I don't want to lose anyone I care about again."

"Then you're in the wrong place, people die here." He said.

"Levi… why don't you treat me like you treat others?" I asked, removing my eyes from the ground to look at him. "You worry so much more about me… why? Why don't you just treat me like the others?"

"Because you are a stupid brat who needs help." I tried to say he was wrong but nothing came out. "You're just so defenseless and soft to be a soldier, I'm just doing my job." He got closer, I gulped. "All I can do for now is make sure you stay alive." He sighed and looked away. I was petrified.

"Levi…" I didn't know what else to say, I felt pissed and humiliated but I had no force to protest.

"It's late, brat… and you skipped dinner." He looked at me arshly, I gulped.

"I know… I'm not hungry anyway." I lied, clenching my fist. I turned around to leave but my stomach made a roaring noise.

"Not hungry, uh?" He asked from behind me, I blushed. He sighed. "You're such a pain in the ass… follow me." He said, I did as he ordered.

We started walking towards the mess hall, I already knew his intentions but I didn't say anything, I was too hungry to complain.

As we got there, he walked towards the kitchen, telling me to wait for him, and came back with a bowl of soup and kept me company as I ate. I smiled, this situation reminded me of Farlan.

We didn't say anything but it wasn't awkward at all, he somehow managed to make me feel at home even if he was intimidating as hell. He was next to me, drinking a cup of white liquid that I could smell, it wasn't water. I had never seen him drink water, he always drank alchol.

"You drink a lot of alchol." I commented, finishing my soup.

"I can drink as much as I want, I don't get drunk anyway…" He said in his monotone.

"How's that possible?" I asked.

"I've always been drinking a lot and I never got drunk, I don't know how." He sighed.

"So what's the point of drinking it?" He looked at me in confusion, as if I just asked the stupidest thing ever.

"Because I like it." He answered. "You have a problem with me drinking alchol, brat?"

"I don't like what it does to people." I looked down. "It makes people violent and they laugh like maniacs…" I shivered at my own words.

"You met some alcoholics in the underground?" He asked, I smiled bitterly.

"Enough for a lifetime." I answered, I brought my knees to my chest, I hated thinking about them.

"Well… don't worry about me, I don't get drunk and I'm only violent when I need to be." He said. I gulped, Levi could be scary if he wanted.

"Good to know…" I looked down. "By the way, Levi…" I said to get his attention. "I'm not as weak as you think I am." He looked at me without saying anything. "I'm just as strong as the other soldiers."

"Physically, yes. Mentaly, no." He took another sip of the strange liquid, I waited for an explanation but none came.

"Why do you think that?" I asked.

"I can see trough you." He stated, I gulped, what the fuck? That wasn't an aceptable answer! I stayed silent.

"Well… thanks for caring." I blushed, he looked at me and I swear I could see a tiny little smile on his face. I looked down at my plate to hide my embarasment.

"Are you gonna stare at your empty plate all night or are you done?" He said, taking a long last sip of alchol.

"Oh.. Yeah, I'll go wash it." I said, walking towards the kitchen but Levi took it from my hands.

"You brats are bad at washing stuff, just go to sleep." He said, walking away and I found myself staring at his ass, I blushed, what the hell? Why in the world would I be staring at the Captain's ass? I was disgusted by my own self. "Goodnight brat!" He said, before desapearing behind the door.

"Goodnight sir." I whispered, knowing he couldn't hear.

I left the mess hall and walked towards my room, I entered.

"Cath! Finally!" Said Eliza, walking towards me. "I was so damn worried!" She hugged me. I smiled and hugged her back, closing my eyes.

"Very touching. Can someone get horse-face out of our dorm now?" Asked Mikasa, I opened my eyes confusedly, and I noticed Jean was leaning against the wall, waiting.

"Really Mikasa? You're calling me horse-face too?" He said, trying to sound mad.

"Why are you here, Jean?" I asked, I had to get him out of here, I could only immagine what Eliza was feeling by having Jean in our room. I let go of the hug and walked towards him.

"I just wanted to make sure the midget didn't kill you." He smiled.

"Let's talk outside, ok?" I asked as I draged him out by his sleeve. He followed me reluctantly. I closed the door.

"Why were you so eager to kick me out of there?" He asked, crossing his arms with a smirk.

"My friend is really shy… I don't think she likes having someone who says everything that runs trough his mind around." I answered, he looked at me ironically. "By the way… I really wanted to thank you for coming to look for me, I wasn't expecting it from you." I said with a greatful smile. He rolled his eyes.

"It was nothing, I had nothing better to do anyway.." He tried to play it cool but I knew he meant it, I wanted to hug him, he deserved it but I decided not to.

"Thank you, Jean." I smiled, he smiled back. We looked at eachother in the eyes for a couple of seconds then I realized it and shook my head. "Well, it's not like I needed any saving, I'm just touched that you came to look for me…" I said, scratching the back of my neck nervously.

"Well you're one of the few people that I actually like so it's only natural that I'd come to look for you." He answered, avoiding my eyes. "And Gray was trying to convince your worried friend to stay here, she was calmer when I said I'd go with him."

"That was really kind, thanks." I smiled again.

"Stop thanking me." He begged.

"Oh, sorry." I blushed. "By the way… as you can see, Levi didn't kill me!" I said.

"Wow really? Didn't notice." He said ironically, earning a chuckle from me. "So… how many centuries of stable duty?" He asked.

"Not even a second." I smirked, Jean was speachless.

"That's impossible. I mean… he was so mad!" His eyes were so wide I wanted to laugh.

"Yeah… we just talked, he didn't punish me." I smiled. "He's a lot kinder than he looks, you know." I looked to the ground, thinking about him.

"Well, he's just kind to you." He crossed his arms and looked away. I didn't answer. "So… I think I should head back to my dorm before he catches me here." I nodded.

"Sure… see you tomorrow, Jean." I smiled.

"Bye." He said, walking away, I got back into my room.

"Sooo… you and horse-face?" Said Sasha with a smirk, I blushed.

"No… he's just a friend." I smiled. "And he doesn't look like a horse." I commented, before I started undressing, I was still wearing my uniform.

"How can you not see it? He's litheraly a horse with a human body!" Answered Sasha.

"I agree." Said Eliza.

"Me too." Stated Mikasa.

I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, I don't care."

When I was finally in my bed my last thought went to Farlan, I wasn't able to thank him in the end… I wished he was still alive, I missed him so much. I hugged my pilow, I didn't want to cry, I just wanted to think of him and remember the good times we had toghether instead of his death.


	5. Chapter 5

Days went by with training, they let me choose a horse, his name was Storm, he was black and really big, he was quite obedient and I imidiatley got attached to him, I loved animals.

I spent most of my days with Gray and Eliza but my friendship with Jean was starting to grow, he was a great guy and I often spent time with him when my friends weren't around.

With Levi it was different, we hardly talked to each other, I thought he was avoiding me and I tried to stay away from him too. I couldn't understand myself… I had really strong feelings for Levi but I didn't know what they were yet, so I just decided to stay away and let things happen on their own.

The day of our first expedition outside the walls was getting closer, the objective was to get to a village in wall Maria to recover something for the king, only Erwin knew what it was and he wasn't going to tell us any time soon. I was getting more and more nervous every day, that damn day was getting closer.

The day before it, anxiety was all over HQ, no one was talking, it was so quiet and creepy, they were seriously scaring me even more than I already was. Some people were getting drunk, making out and doing things they would have never done normally, trying to enjoy what could have been their last day to live. I wished I could do that too but the thought of drinking made me feel sick, not because I didn't like alchol but because I was seriously feeling nauseous at the thought of facing the titans and alchol wouldn't help.

Erwin explained us the formations, I was put with Sasha, Jean and Armin on the right wing of the formation, Levi's squad was in the center and Eren was with them, Levi was still keeping an eye on him. Gray and Eliza were on the left wing, I was scared that something might have happened to them while I wasn't there. I shook my head, trying not to think about anything too bad.

That night I couldn't sleep at all, all I could see were horrible titants slaughtering my friends as all I could do was watch.

We had to leave really early the next morning, it was really important that we made it back to wall Rose before sunset, so we could see signal flares and move around in our gear better.

When it was time to leave in the morning, everybody looked depressed, unsure and scared. I couldn't stop thinking about how nervous I was, I could feel my heart beating abnormally loudly, it was so loud I thought everyone could hear it. We had a quick breakfast in which anyone hardly spoke, some soldiers like Connie and Sasha were trying to cheer everybody up but it wasn't working at all.

Until Commander Erwin took it in his own hands to give us motivation. He gave us one of his inspirational speeches, it seemed to work on everybody, Erwin could really be convincing but I knew that, no matter how much speeches he gave us, most of the people around me wouldn't be here when we got back, I might have not made it back myself. It was hard to accept but it didn't matter. I had to prove I was suited for the Survey Corps, I had to fight, listen to orders and even give my life if I had to, for humankind.

Before reaching our groups I wanted to say goodbye to Eliza and Gray, it could have been the last time I saw them.

"Make sure you don't die." I whispered in Eliza's ear as I hugged her tightly.

"You too." She said, her eyes were watery and she was on the verge of tears. I put a hand on her shoulder and smiled sweetly, I wanted to reassure her but it didn't seem to work.

"Don't worry about her, Cath. She's in my group… I'll protect her." He smiled, he looked so sure of himself... but he was one of the strongest guys in the Survey Corps so I wasn't surprised.

"Protect yourself first, idiot." Said Eliza rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. Gray shrugged.

"This isn't goodbye, ok?" He said. "We'll see eachother when we get back." I nodded.

"I love you guys." I said and left as fast as I could, if I stayed there for another second I would have started crying and I didn't want them to see it.

We got our horses and headed for the wall, I was next to Jean, he looked stressed but not nearly as stressed as I was. He noticed it too.

"Try not to think about it." He said, I laughed nervously.

"That's easy, huh?" I answered, ironically.

"Just focus on what you learned and don't panic." I gulped, he was right. I had to focus. I sighed.

"Thanks…" I whispered. I was feeling better, I just had to think of them as if they were training. I had nothing to fear... Oh who was I kidding, I was about to have a panic attack.

"Brat." I turned around at the sound of his voice, Levi was behind me with his horse, he didn't look scared in the slightest, he actually looked kind of bored.

"Sir." I answered, trying to sound sure of myself.

"Remember your promise, don't you dare break it." He said as his horse walked past mine, leaving me with a confused expression, I only got it when he already left. He was talking about what I promised the day we met, that I wasn't going to die on my first mission. I smiled sweetly, I couldn't believe he remembered something that happened so long ago.

It made me want to stay alive, I was ready for anything now, he gave me the courage to fight, I had to survive, for him... I promised after all.

When the gates opened my heart skipped a beat, I was so nervous yet so ready, I knew what to do but I couldn't bring myself to believe that I could do it. I gulped as my horse started running towards the outside.

When we got past the wall I felt a huge wave of freedom run trough my veins, I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, as I felt the wind going trough my hair. I smiled.

All of the fear was now replaced by a calm confidence.

We rode for a good ammount of time without encountering any titans, at least in the right wing. Sasha was behind me and I couldn't see her, Jean was leading us and Armin was right next to me.

Some of the other groups started encountering titans and comunicated it to us with the signal flares. I hoped they didn't get to Levi, I knew he was the strongest soldier of humankind but I was still concerned about him, and also about Gray and Eliza.

Dammit, I had to stay focused, it was only a matter of time before we encountered a titan ourselfs, my heart skipped a beat just thinking about it, I felt a strange taste of metal in my throat, it was the taste of pure terror, I only felt it twice in my life. But this time I was able to ignore it and go on.

Until a nine meters appeared, it fortunately wasn't abnormal, Armin shot the flare. I looked around me, they all looked so calm, I tried to keep my composure but I was scared out of my mind... but maybe they were too. Seeing a huge monster like that coming straight for us was the scariest thing I ever experienced, and I had experienced a LOT of scary things.

"Get ready to use the maneuvre gear!" Shouted Jean, he was in charge of our group, I got ready, the titan was getting closer and closer. I took a deep breath and got ready to attack, ignoring the fear.

"Armin, Cath, he's coming for you!" Shouted Sasha, behind us. Time was going in slow motion for me, I jumped and stood on my horse, waited for the titan to get a little closer and suddently, I wasn't scared anymore, I just thought of training, this wasn't any different. I attached myself to it's shoulder with the gear, I dodged his hand when he tried to catch me and I went straight for the nape of the neck. I closed my eyes, hoping I had done everything right. And I did, the titan fell forward with me still on it's neck.

I couldn't help it but laugh, I was so happy to be still alive! I couldn't believe it. Armin came back, bringing me my horse. I thanked him and got on. We were still going strong.

"Well done with your first kill, Cath!" Complimented Sasha when me and Armin reached her.

"Thanks!" I smiled again, I felt a lot more confident now, as if I could do anything, no one died in our wing of the formation, yet.

We met other four titans before we finally made it to the city, two were killed by Jean, one by Sasha and one by me and Armin.

We thought the worse was passed but we were damn wrong, the city had titans all over, when we finally met up with Commander Erwin he told us that our main objective now was to just kill every titan who could do us harm, protect him as he looked for the misterious object he had to find for the king.

I noticed Levi and his squad were fine, not even a scratch. Even Eliza and Gray weren't injured, we had lost some soldiers but all the people I cared about were there and that was all that mattered to me.

When we scatered, I followed Erwin with Jean, Sasha, Connie and other people, including Levi but he was in the far back. I collaborated with Jean to kill two titans. The others did the rest, we only lost a few of our men, it was going well until Jean and I lost sight of Erwin to fight a big group of titans, they must have all been ten meters or more.

Jean was caught, the titan sqeezed his leg so hard I thought he crushed it for good, I killed the titan before he could eat my friend, seeing Jean so close death made me realise how much I cared about him... I caught him before the titan could fall to the ground with him in his hand and brought him to the closest roof top. I softly put him down and realised that he couldn't walk or fight anymore, his leg was crushed.

"Dammit.." He looked desperate, in deep thought and in pain at the same time. "I'm dead." He said, sitting down, he took his head in his hands.

"No, I'm not letting you die!" I was a lot more concerned now, he was scaring the shit out of me.

"You can't afford to protect me while you're also protecting yourself, you have to leave me here… If I make it I'm a lucky bastard and if I don't…" He stopped for a second, looking down. "I tried."

It wasn't even that much of big deal! People even lost limbs in fights like this. I slapped him across the face.

"What was that for?!" He shouted, I saw a spark of anger in his eyes, but it disapeared as soon as it came. He sighed.

"Don't give up like that, you idiot." I was so angry at him, he had to react. "Don't get fucking depressed! Just try to survive, dammit!" I lifted him up from his shirt, trying to make him react.

"I don't want to be a fucking burden, I'm injured and if I get attacked I don't want to drag anyone in the grave with me!" He limped away from me but fell at the second step. I helped him back up.

"You don't need your fucking leg to use the manouvre gear, and I'm not leaving you anyway so you might as well just stop acting like a pussy!" He looked a little pissed but he just nodded.

"Fine." He sounded defeated.

"We'll make it, Jean." I smiled.

He smiled back but he didn't look convinced.

A seventeen meters was aproaching us, we looked at eachother and understood that we should just run away from it. I helped Jean, making sure he wouldn't hurt his leg until we finally joined back to Erwin's group... I noticed a huge number of people was missing, including Levi. My heart skipped a beat. I decided to leave Jean in Armin's hands, he seemed trust worthy enough, he promised to keep him away from trouble.

I left the group once more, alone this time.

"Levi!" I shouted, hoping to get an answer. But none came, the city was full of titans but I couldn't see any humans apart from the group.

I killed a titan alone while looking for the Captain. Something was telling me he was fine but I had to be sure, I wouldn't have been able to accept his death... he told me repeatedly that he didn't want me to protect him but I couldn't help it.

I kept going, until I saw the group of titans that injured Jean all gathered, and he was there. He killed two of them in one shot, the third one was about to catch him but he dodge it, I had never seen anyone move so fast. I smiled and hurried to help him with the remaining three titans. But I witnessed something awful, as he killed one of the titans, another one slapped him away, I saw a spark of blood flying and Levi's body hit the edge of a roof and he started to fall, I screamed in despair, did he even survive that?! Despair was about to get the better of me but I managed to keep it in, I rushed there and caught Levi before his body could hit the ground, he let a groan of pain escape his lips, I felt so relieved he was alive even if he wasn't exactly feeling well. I put him gently on the ground, I had to deal with the two titans... I gulped and I used my gear to get to the roof, I screamed and felt adrenaline flow in my veins as I sliced the nape of the first titan, he was an inch from catching me but I didn't let him. The second was easier to kill, he reached out to grab me so I jumped on his arm and made my way up to his neck, I killed him without a problem.

I was a lot stronger than I thought... maybe it was because I was protecting Levi but I was surprised.

I jumped back on the ground to take care of Levi, he was half passed out with his back on the wall of a house and his hand trying to keep in the blood that was overflowing from the huge and deep cut going from his ribs to his hip, his shirt was ripped and dripping with blood. It was terribly worse than what I thought it would be, I couldn't just take him to the group, I had to do something quickly or he would certainly die of bloodloss in a matter of minutes!

He stood up, acting as if it was just a scratch, I was shocked and I rushed to help him, he fainted in my arms, I felt tears coming to my eyes but I ignored them, I had to help him in every way I could, I had no time for tears.

I analyzed the cut, I had to wash it and stitch it up or it would get infected, I had to act quickly. Then a crazy idea came to my mind...

I looked at the houses around us, everyone had a needle and a thread in their house, right? I lifted Levi up, noticing how eavy he was for his size, but I managed to lift him any way.

I used the gear to break trough a window, I looked for a bedroom and put Levi on the bed. I took his shirt off, his chest was full of blood, his breath was heavy. Seeing him in so much pain was about to make me cry again but I had no time for that.

I looked around the house desperately until I finally found a needle and a thread, I washed the wound with a blancket and some water I got from the house's bathroom. I knew he had lost a huge ammount of blood but I didn't let that discourage me, I knew he was a fighter, he would never give up on his life like that.

I took the needle and thread and started stiching up his wound, I knew what I was doing, I had done it to myself many times. My hand didn't shake and my concentration didn't fail me for a second, when I finished I knew my stitch was perfect but really fragile because of the thread, it was too weak to hold up like normal stitches, we would have to wait a long time before he could move without the risk of his wound opening again. I put some tight bandages I found around the stitches, just in case.

After I finished I sat on the bed and looked at Levi's beautiful face, his features were flawless, I admired him for long, I felt a little guilty for staring at him like that while he was unconcious but it was the only time I could do that... I sighed and gazed out the window I noticed yellow smoke in the sky... Dammit! No! It was the yellow signal flare, it meant end of the mission, they were leaving. I was about to get a panic attack, they were leaving us behind in enemy territory!

"No, no, no… no fucking way." I felt tears rising to my eyes again. I wanted to just take Levi and go with them too, but I knew that I had to wait to move him or his wound would open again and he would die of blood loss.

I couldn't leave him, I just couldn't bring myself to… I knew I would have died if I stayed there but I would have rather died with him than letting him die without even trying to help him.

I sat on the side of the bed and looked at his features with a sad look on my face, I had just commited suicide for him, dammit.

He looked so peacefull in his sleep. So sweet and without worry.

Tears were now on my cheeks, I didn't even know why I was crying. Was it for Levi or for my own death? I didn't know.

"Gray, Eliza... I'm so sorry... You are my best friends in the whole world, I wish I could have said a better goodbye." I sobbed softly. "You changed my life, both of you... when I thought everything was lost.. I met you and understood how beautiful life can be even after a past like mine." I sobbed again. "I wish I could see you again." I didn't even know why I was doing this, they weren't here, they couldn't hear me... it made me feel a little better though, so I kept going. "Jean, I hope you're fine... your leg was really messed up, I'm sorry I left you, I really care about you... please don't be sad for me, you already had to suffer trough your freckled beast friend's death, don't suffer for mine." I felt so stupid. "Mum... I hardly knew you but I know you were a lovely person... I hope I can meet you a little better after I die." I sniffled. "Louis, I hope to see you too, you were like a father to me, thank you for everything." I wiped the tears away. "And Levi... I don't even know why I'm helping you, we are both going to die anyway but for some reason I would rather die with you than leaving you here, I care about you more than I thought possible." I placed a hand on his bare chest, his heart was beating slowly but still beating, I felt so relived. "Please don't be mad when you wake up..." I sighed.

I cried softly for a long time until all of my tears were dry. Our companions must have been gone for an hour or so, we couldn't catch up anymore, that made me even more scared but I didn't care, Levi was there and he was still alive, that was all that mattered at the moment.

I wiped the tears away and stood up, I had to make sure no titans were around to attack us while we were there… I hoped they couldn't sence us, since there was just two of us but I knew it was stupid, they were going to find us sooner or later.

"Where am I…?" His voice was so weak, I never heard him sound like that. I turned around, his eyes were open, but barely, he looked at me, trying to remember what happened.

He tried to get up but I stopped him imidiately by putting a hand on his chest to keep him down.

"No, Levi, if you move the wound will open again, you'll have to wait until it's a little better." He was confused but he listened to me. He stared at me for a while then his eyes widened.

"You must be the biggest idiot in these walls!" He raised his voice, and then he coughed, he must have made too much effort to raise his voice.

"Calm down." I looked straight at him. "Just stay calm, please." I begged.

"Why did you save me? You could have died!" He didn't look too calm…

"I don't regret it." I said simply, his eyes were still wide but he sighed.

"Damn you." He looked away. I smiled, I didn't care if he was insulting me, all that mattered was that he was awake and alive.

"So we're still in enemy territory?" He asked. I nodded.

"I was about to go outside, to check." I looked out the broken window, I couldn't see any titans for now but I had to get a better look, I could feel the danger getting closer.

"Stay." It sounded more like an order rather than a request but it still surprised me.

"But.." The titans were outside, I had to at least go check.

"You wouldn't come back..." He looked down, he sounded sad now. I just wanted to hug him tight and tell him it was all right, I wanted to make him feel better… Seeing him sad was something I couldn't handle. I held myself back and sighed.

"Levi… I promise I will, I just want to make sure there are no titans around." I didn't want him to worry but I couldn't stay there eather, they were coming.

"No, It's an order." I sat on the side of the bed and looked at him.

"I don't think orders count much now…" I didn't want to think about it but I knew how desperate our situation was.

"Are you dead?" He asked, giving me an ice cold stare. I gave him a confused look and shook my head. "That means you still have to follow my orders."

I didn't say anything. I sighed and looked up to window again, with a somehow malinconic feeling.

"So, brat, are you gonna explain why you saved me, brought me here, stitched me up and waited for me to wake up?" He was as serious as ever. I brought my eyes on him and I found myself thinking how incredibly handsome he looked, his chest was bare, besides the bandages, his gaze was determend yet soft. His expression was serious, as usual, but his eyes had a strange hint of emotion and it made me feel so strange, my heart was beating faster, my hands were getting sweaty and I didn't want to stop looking at him.

"I…" I truly didn't know what to answer, and he just made me confused. "I don't know." I clenched my fist.

"Seriously? You're trying to lie again?" I looked at my hand, I wasn't surprised to find it closed, the truth was I knew why I did it, I just didn't want to confess it to him or to my self, saying it would have made it so real.

I was falling for him and I was falling hard.

Even thinking about it was too much for me, but I realized it was true, since the day I hit him with a door, no, even before that, when I heard about him while in the trainee squad, a strange feeling started building up inside me and I could do nothing to make it stop.

"You're humanity's hope, my life is so insignificant compared to yours… I had to save you, people would despair if you died." I made myself not clench my fist, it was true but that wasn't the true reason.

He sighed and pulled him self up, I looked at him with concern, I didn't want his stiches to get ripped.

"Levi, don't!" I said, trying to get him back down again, then I realized how close he was, I blushed.

"Don't say that, ever again." He was using his intimidating voice but his eyes were sweet and caring. "My life counts just as much as anyone's... you're younger, you shouldn't die because of me." I didn't know what to say, I was still thinking about how close he was, I could feel his breath on my lips and the heat of his body so close to mine. I tryed my best not to lose myself in useless romantic thoughts.

"I did it because I wanted to, ok?" I said, moving my gaze to his lips and to his eyes again. "I care about you... I would never let you die if I had the chance to save you." I felt a tingling sensation in my eyes, was I seriously about to cry? I looked at Levi's eyes again, hoping he would come a little closer and put his lips on mine but I knew it wouldn't happen. "You should really lay down, if your stitches open up you won't make it..." I sighed as I gently pushed him back. He let me do it, just observing me.

I looked out the window again, I didn't want him to see I was getting emotional, I pushed the tears back in as soon as they came to my eyes, without letting them fall.

"This all happened because of me, we have to find a way to get back to wall Rose without dying." He said. I let out a small, ironic laugh.

"We're already dead." I said. "We died the moment everybody left."

"Why didn't you go with them? Dammit." He gritted his teeth.

"Same reason why I saved you." He ignored my answer.

"I have a plan." He said after a long moment of silence. I looked at him and widened my eyes, they were filled with hope now. He stayed silent for a while, probably thinking abou the plan. My heart started racing with anticipation, I couldn't wait to hear the plan, I hoped it would be a good one with my whole heart.

He finally spoke. "When Hanji was studying Sonny and Bean she found out that Titans can't move without sunlight. We'll stay hidden here until it's dark and then we'll leave the damn place." The hope I felt was compleately gone now.

"But.. Using the 3D manouvre gear in the dark is like suicide!" I commented. "And, how are we gonna make it back to wall Rose in the open without horses?" More and more questions started popping up in my mind. "We don't have enough gas!"

"Full moon tonight so light is not that big of a problem, the horses of someone that died might have been left here, luck might be on our side… we'll have to save up the gas to make a final jump over the wall." He seemed so sure of this, I wasn't at all.

"But you're still wounded, you can't move too much!" I was filled with more worry.

"I'll have to heal before night." I clenched my fist. It was our only option, we had to give it a try. I bit my lower lip, I was so damn worried and scared, I could feel the adrenaline in my veins, I had to get my mind off it. I bit my lip harder.

"Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself." He said. "Just stay calm, all we have to do for now is wait."

The time passed so quickly I could hardly remember what happened, we just talked about the plan, it made me feel calmer to go over it, I just had to think that it wasn't real, that it was just training, the same way I did on our way here.

The sun had set for more or less an hour, Levi said we'd only wait another five minutes before trying our suicide plan, my heart was beating so hard it hurt, I was shivering and I felt the strange taste of metal in my throat again.

Levi stood up, I tried to focus on his mascular back and his handsome features rather than the fact that his wound could have opened up. He could hardly walk straight but he was still acting like it was nothing, like he was feeling no pain at all.

When he caught me staring I blushed violently and moved my gaze outside the window, it was dark now, I gulped and bit my lip again, I started shaking, just the thought of leaving this house made me so scared I couldn't handle it.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, he turned me around and put his arms around me, my heart skipped a beat, I couldn't understand why he would do that. I let myself go, I placed my cheek on his chest and hugged him back gently. His smell made me feel better, safe, it was so sweet.

"Calm down, we won't die." I hugged him a little tighter but carefull not to hurt him, I heard his heart beating, I was glad to hear it was doing fine. It made me get a bit of my bravery back. I was ready to fight, I wasn't going to let them kill him or me, not after this. I let go, his expression was soft and sweet, it made my heart warm.

I let go of a deep sigh and opened the broken window.

"So it begins." I whispered.

"Don't be so dramatic, brat, it's gonna be fine." He tried to sound convincing and sure of himself but I could hear he was faking it.

"Are you sure you can move in your gear? If it hurts just say it, don't act strong." I changed the subject, I knew he was in pain and I desperately wanted to help him but he always acted like it was nothing, he was such an inspiration.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine." He didn't want to talk about it but I knew he was hurting.

I nodded and threw myself out the window, attached myself to the wall of the house in front and slowly got to the ground, Levi was right behind me. We were going to walk in search of a horse, using the gear at night was too dangerous and we would just waste gas.

We walked around carefully, my sight soon got adjusted to the darkness and the full moon was certainly helping out... Levi was limping in front of me, leading the way… I was more worried for him than scared but I stayed silent. He whistled, hoping a horse would come to us.

We encountered a couple of titans, luckily they weren't moving but just seeing them was terrifing enough. My biggest fear now was to not find a horse, we would have been screwed but luck was on our side, a lonely horse came running to us, it was Levi's horse... He stayed there waiting for him, my heart warmed at the sweet reunion.

We hoped on, Levi was behind me because of his injury, his arms wraped around my waist, making me heat up and blush crazily, I was so gald he couldn't see my face.

We gallopped out, as the city disapeared behind us I felt more and more relieved. The only problem now was the nothing that separated us from wall Rose, no forests, no cities, nothing, the gear would be useless.

We could barely see where we were going with the dark but the full moon was helping. I was a lot calmer and focused on the road, Levi didn't say anything, he just kept holding on to me as the horse galopped. The problem was that the horse could be moving too much for him to handle, his wound could open up.

"Is everything allright?" I asked, not beeing able to stop myself.

"Hurts a little but I can handle it." I didn't answer, if _Levi_ said "hurts a little" it must be hurting like a bitch... we had to get to the wall as soon as we could.

*ANJI POV*

I had looked every where, every fucking where, even in the supply closet, I mean.. it wouldn't be so strange to find him in there since he was so obsesed with cleaning, right? I was seriously starting to worry… what if he died…? I hadn't seen him since the expedition… I brushed the thought away, he was humanity's strongest, he wouldn't be killed so easily and besides: no one saw him die.

I always took for granted that he would be unkillable, what if he wasn't? What if he was in a titan's stomach now? I clenched my fist, it couldn't be.

I thought about him until I ran into eyebra… I mean Erwin.

"Hey, have you seen shorty anywhere?" I asked casually, he must have.

"Now that you mention it…" He thought about it for a second and shook his head. "I haven't seen him since the mission, but I'm sure he's fine, he's probably just drinking tea and resting somewhere." His tone was meant to be reasuring but it didn't help at all, it just made me more concearned.

"Yeah, probably." I looked down, I had a bad feeling. "Catch ya later eyebraws." I walked away heading to his room again, I wouldn't be at peace until I found him.

*GRAY'S POV*

The pire's flames flew high as the smoke drew patterns in the sky, the smell was terrible but I didn't even care, I couldn't sence anything anymore besides the pain in my heart, I had never seen so many people die all toghther.

But the worst thing of all was that I lost my best friend… her body hadn't even been found and no one saw her die, all we knew was that she wasn't with the group when we got back... I didn't even want to imagine how orrible her death must have been. My heart was shattered, I didn't care about anything. I tried my best not to let the tears overflow but I couldn't help it.

I sobbed softly, Eliza face was pressed to my chest and she was screaming and sobbing, I put my arms around her, if only I could bear the pain for her too… I would. It was too much for to handle, I wanted to rip my heart out, it would have been less painfull.

I hugged Eliza tighter and squeezed my eyes as hard as I could, hoping to wake up from this nightmare.

When I opened them, I saw Jean in a corner clenching his fist really hard with a really bitter look on his face, I wandered if it was because of Catherine, they seemed to get along.

His gaze met mine, I could see the sorrow in his eyes, I wiped the tears away and acted like I didn't see him. Eliza couldn't let go of me so I let her stay, she needed me more than ever before and even if I didn't want to show it, I needed her just as much.

Why Catherine? Why would you just leave us like that? The last thing you ever said to us was not to die and you died instead. More tears came to my eyes.

*Catherine POV*

The sun was rising, all the fears came back, we could have encountered titans. I spurred the horse to make him go faster but he had been running all night, he was tired.

"Please… Just a little faster, please.." I whispered. The horse didn't seem to care at all. He was actually starting to slow down.

Levi's head was rested on my back, I thought he was sleeping, he needed rest after all…

The horse kept running for an hour or so, the sun was high in the sky and I could see wall Rose in the horizon. Tears of happiness came to my eyes but it didn't last long. Abnormally loud foot steps were aproaching, I looked behind us and I wasn't surprised to see two thirteen meters titans heading straight to us.

I tried my best not to shout, I spurred the horse again, he luckly listened and sped up. I kept my eyes on the walls, trying not to think of the titans aproaching, I had to keep my mind clear.

Levi was still sleeping somehow, I didn't want to wake him up but I felt compleately abandoned.

The wall was getting closer and closer, but so were the footsteps, I turned around once more, their hands were reaching out to us, they were so close they could have grabed us.

I let out a gasp and the pressure on my back faded. Levi was standing on the horse, he jumped and got ready to use his gear.

"You were awake?!" I shouted.

"Of course I was, you think I'd just let a brat like you handle the situation?" He shot a glare at me and got his focus back to the titans. When they got a hinch closer he jumped off the horse and attached himself to one of the titans with the gear, he climbed up to his neck, jumped and sliced it's nape. He fell.

The other one didn't seem too interested on Levi though, he kept running after me, Levi was too far to protect me now. I tried to make the horse go faster but the titan kicked him from behind, I flew up and hit the ground hard.

My conciousness was starting to fade but I fought it as hard as I could, I got up, everything was blurry, I saw the horse lying on the grass, he was probably dead.

Then I saw a huge hand reaching out for me, I took some steps back and started running, but I was too slow. The titan caught me.

I screamed. I screamed Levi's name, hoping he would save me, the huge mouth was now aproaching, I felt tears coming to my eyes, it couldn't end like that, not after how far we had come.

I closed my eyes, expecting the worst, but the titan suddently fell to his death. I was luckily protected by his hand wraped around my body. I had some minor injuries on me but nothing that could endanger my life.

I freed myself from the titan's hand and rolled over to the ground, I got on my knees and stared blankly at the ground until a pair of boots got in the way. I looked up and smiled, he was there in front of me, looking down with his cold eyes. He looked so majestic it almost seemed like a mirage.

I fought to keep my eyes open as my eyelids kept getting eavier.

"Thank you, Levi." I whispered as he helped me up.

When I finally regained my full counciousness I realised our horse was dead and wall Rose was still far.

"Dammit… what are we gonna do?" I asked.

"Isn't it obvious? Walk." I bit my lip, we would have been totally exposed like that. Levi started walking so I followed.

I could hardly stand up, my head was spinning like crazy but I acted like it was nothing, I couldn't afford to be weak now.

We walked and walked, getting closer to the wall until a six meters aproached us, my head wasn't clear enough to fight but I got ready any way, when the titan finally got to us, I didn't even need to move a finger, Levi killed him in a heartbeat, he really was amazing after all.

After he killed the titan he started acting strange, he had a strange look on his face, when another titan got to us, he killed it but I could see that something was wrong with him.

We started walking again, I was so worried about him, he was behind me, limping.

"Stop…" He whispered, I saw his eyes getting eavier and I caught him just before he could colapse on the ground. I held him in my arms, he was breathing eavily, I panicked.

"No! Levi, what's wrong?" I asked, until my gaze moved to his chest, his bandage was full of blood. My biggest fear came true, his wound had opened up. I gulped, my biggest fear had come true, I had to get to the wall as fast as I could.

I lifted Levi up, put him on my shoulder and started running, hoping titans wouldn't reach us. I could feel his heartbeat getting weaker. I ran faster, as fast as my body could manage.

"Hold on, please, don't leave me now." I said, as I felt my shoulder and back getting soacked with blood.

Before finally reaching the wall, some titans started running after us but I didn't have the courage to turn around and see how close they were.

Luckly I was close enough to the wall to avoid them, I attached myself to it with my gear and finally made it to the top.

Some soldiers that were on patrol looked at me in shock, they couldn't believe what they just saw, they all ran around us.

I put Levi softly on the ground.

"Captain… injured…." I managed to say before colapsing next to him.

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Author's note:

Heyy, I just wanted to thank you all for reading up to this point, this chapter was one of my favorites to write and, as you probably noticed, it's SUPER long.. I hope you're enjoying the story, thank you all again! -Maddy


	6. Chapter 6

My eyes started opening slowly, everything was a blur until I was able to focus again. I looked around the room, I was in the Survey Corp's infirmary. Then my eyes met long curly black hair spread next to me, my best friend was right there, sleeping.

I looked around again, Gray was sitting on a chair, sleeping too and I was surprised to find Jean next to him, with his head rested on the wall. I looked outside the window, the sun had set, that explained why they were all sleeping.

I moved my hand to Eliza's hair and started brushing them back, it was strange to see her without her signature high pony tail. I smiled, I was so glad she was there with me.

She groaned and opened her ocean blue eyes. She didn't realize what was happening right away. But when she did tears filled her eyes and she let out a loud, happy squeal, waking everyone up.

She threw herself at me, wraping her arms around me.

"I was so worried" She said between sobs, I hugged her back.

"Go easy on her!" Said Jean's sleepy voice. Gray ran next to me too.

"Is Levi…?" I couldn't manage to finish the sentence but they seemed to get it.

"Of course he is, brat." Said a voice coming from the entrance. He had a cup of black tea in his right hand and a little smile on his face, he seemed to be doing just fine. I smiled. Eliza let go of me and wiped her eyes but she kept sobbing.

"How long have I been..?" My voice was so weird I couldn't even recognise it. I bit my lip.

"Three days, doctors say you just hit your head and that you were suffering from severe emotional stress… you just took a long nap." Said Jean.

Gray was being so quiet, it wasn't like him, I looked at him until he finally spoke up.

"You idiot." He growled, clenaching his fist, he was looking at the ground. "You have no fucking idea of what we have been trough, thinking you were dead!" He raised his voice and his amber eyes, planting them in mine, they were full of tears, I couldn't tell if he was sad, angry or just happy that I was fine. "Why did you have to go and be the hero? Just think about yourself, for fucks sake!"

I looked down, feeling sorry about making him and Eliza worry so much, I loved them with my all heart and couldn't stand the fact that I hurt them.

"Dammit, I'm so happy you're ok!" He shouted, getting closer and wrapping his arms around me, I smiled. He sobbed softly on my shoulder.

As I hugged him back and looked at Levi, he was sitting in the corner sipping on his tea and just looking at us. I smiled at him.

I got back to my friends and I noticed Jean's leg was in a cast and he was walking around with crutches.

"Is your leg ok, Jean?" I asked. He sighed.

"I'll have to keep this thing on for a couple of weeks but it's gonna heal compleately." He shrugged and smiled. "But I'm not the one who came back from the grave! We wanna know all about your little adventure in wall Maria!"

"You're gonna have to hear it another time, Kirschtein, she needs rest, you should all get out of here for a while." Said a nurse, intruding in our conversation. I liked their company and I didn't want them to leave, but she was right, I needed a little more rest, I felt like I just got hit by a train.

They all left, all besided one. Levi.

He stood up, walked over to me and sat on the side of the bed, never taking his eyes off me.

"I have no words to thank you for what you did." I was so surprised and embarassed to hear him say that, I blushed.

"It was nothing…" I smiled.

"No, it wasn't nothing, getting me a cup of tea is nothing, you saved my fucking life, risking yours." He took my hand, I blushed even more. "Never do that again, ok?" He asked, squeezing my small hand in his strong grip. I looked down but then I nodded.

He smiled, a smile that made my heart warm. He let go of my hand, making me feel empty. Then he leaned in and pressed his lips to my forhead, I turned a darker shade of red than before, I had never felt a sensation like that before, I was so happy.

"Well… I'll leave you to your rest, get well soon." He turned around to leave as I gathered all my courage to blurt out the words I wanted to say.

"Could you stay..?" I said it so fast I wasn't even sure he got it but he stopped and looked at me. "Just until I fall asleep, please…" I added, blushing.

"I don't see why not." He sat on the bed next to me.

His presence made me feel so calm and protected, we talked for a little until Erwin enterder the room, he looked quite worried.

"Levi, I need to talk to her, alone." He gave him a glare I had never seen on his face before, I guess that was why no one ever disobeyed his orders. But Levi didn't seem to care about what he just said and I didn't want him to leave eather.

"Whatever it is, I prefer if Levi stays." I tried to sound as authoritary as I could, Erwin sighed and tried to act like Levi wasn't there.

"Cadet Abrington, the Military Police is looking for you, they want to arrest you." His expression was so cold. "For murder, they said."

I felt every single happy emotion drain out of my body, Levi looked at me, trying to study my expression.

"What the..?" He asked, remaining calm.

I bit my lip, I didn't like to remember that day.

"Look, I want to help you, I really do, but I need to know what happened." Said Erwin, getting closer to the bed.

"I-I don't want to talk about it…" My body started shakeing as flashback ran trough my mind. Blood. So much blood. Tears. Laughter. Insanity.

"Then I'm sorry but I'll have to hand you over." He turned around, getting ready to leave but Levi stood up.

"No." He clenched his fists. "I'm afraid I can't let you do that." Erwin sighed.

"Levi, come outside for a second." When the door closed behind them I was so curious to hear what they were saying but I couldn't get up, not yet. I just hoped Levi would tell me. Some minutes passed and Levi came back in, closing the door behind him. He sat next to me again.

"What did he say?" I tried to keep calm but I desperately wanted to know.

"He doesn't want to hand you over… nor will he." He crossed his arms. "Don't worry for now, you're safe here." He looked at me. "It would help if you told us what happened though."

"I…" I stopped, I didn't know where to start, I didn't know what to say or do. I felt that I could trust Levi with this secret but I was trying my best to forget what happened, hoping that side of me would just stay locked up forever, talking about it would have made it real again. As I thought about what happened tears started filling my eyes, I bit my lip to keep the sobs in.

Levi saw how hard it was for me so he took my hand, hoping it would make me calmer. I nodded and sighed before starting.

"I was born in a brothel in the underground… My mother was a whore, her name was Catherine Harris… my father was the owner of the brothel, his name was Isaac Florent and he named me Emma Florent." Just admiting that made me want to burry myself but I swollowed my pride and kept going. "My mother took care of me, I know she did, she loved me… All I remember about her is that she had the same big green eyes that I have, she used to sing a lullaby to me." I smiled bitterly. "When I was three years old my mother caugth a rare sexual disease, my father was one of the richest man in the walls, he could have payed to cure her but he decided to let her die, he could have easily replaced her any way..." I felt tears coming to my eyes.

"But he chose to keep me, his daughter, at first he just treated me as a slave, making me do all of the manual work in the brothel, I had to change the sheets, help the girls who worked there get washed up, clean the place, make him dinner… He would often hit me, call me worthless, hurt me both physically and mentally." Levi tightened the grip on my hand. "When I turned five, he decided I could have worked in the brothel too… he already had some children working there…" Some tears started to run down my cheeks.

"His sickest, pedophile clients abused me, I still feel their fucking dirty hands on my body sometimes." I used my sleeve to clean up some tears. "I was becoming so numb, I hated my father and his filthy clients, I just wanted to be free, to see the sky outside the underground… But I didn't even know what it meant, I didn't know life outside the brothel, all I knew was that I would have rather died that to stay there another second." Levi's expression was a mixure of anger and sadness.

"This went on for years, I just let him do what he wanted, he abused me too a couple of times, just to remind me that I belonged to him." I bit my lip, refusing to let a sob escape. I took a deep breath.

"Until one day, he was beating up another little girl because she rebeled to a client, when she left her face was unrecognisable. That shocked me, I had enough, I didn't want him to hurt anyone ever again, the world would have been better without a monster like him…" I paused, I couldn't believe I was about to talk about _that_ night, the images started filling my mind,

"So I went to the kitchen, got the sharpest knife I could find…" I stopped for a second, I just had to get over what I was admiting.

"In the evening he left for some reason, I hid in the closet of his room with the knife, I wasn't scared, I wasn't feeling any emotion… I just knew I had to do it, the world would have been better without him." I wiped a tear away.

"I waited, when he came back, he called a whore to his room, I had to listen to the whole thing but it made me feel nothing. When she left, I waited some more so he would be sleepy, but not compleately asleep, I wanted him to look me in the eyes and see that I wasn't his, that I could do what the fuck I wanted.

Then I jumped out, he was lying on his bed, about to sleep. He shouted for help when he saw me but I didn't care, I jumped on him with an agility I didn't even know I had and stabbed him, multiple times. He didn't die right away. He had the strenght to insult me one last time before I slit his troath." I closed my eyes, I could still see the image so vividly in my head, his eyes full of hatered becoming lifeless, his blood on my hands. "I started laughing histerically, I wasn't myself in that moment… I was a bloodthirsty monster. Then I cried as I laughed, realizing I killed my father, blood of my blood. I started shouting insults at him, hitting his dead body. Then I stopped and I just stared at him, I didn't feel anything for him anymore, not even hatered. I was compleately numb, it scares me to think about it… I felt no emotion at all, I was like a empty box.

Then the door flew open, the little girl he beat up earlier that day, the girl who trigerred everything was standing there, looking at me. She screamed and ran away, I knew she would call the military police so I ran away, throwing myself in the streets, bringing only the knife with me. I didn't need anything else.

I started hiding and stealing to survive and decided on a different name, Catherine Harris, my mother… no one knew her so I was safe with that name. A week after the tragedy, I met Farlan. He saved me from a group of thugs that probably wanted to kill or rape me, then we met up every day and he brought me bread, so I would have to starve to death or steal food, he was the first person to ever show me any kindness. We met every day until you guys left to join the Scouting Legion.

Farlan didn't know what I did and that the MP was looking everywhere for me, he found me work in a nice pub, the owner was a drunken idiot but he never layed a hand on me. I stayed there, serving the tables until a pedophile that used to be my father's client, recognised me and reported me to the Military Police.

I was caught, brought out of the underground to wall Sina, to be executed. The day before my execution a man that knew my father helped me escape prison, killing three of the guards, I think they blame me for that…

He brought me all the way to wall Rose, where he lived, he said he would adopt me, treat me like a daugther… but I knew I couldn't trust him. He tried to sell me to some pig that remembered me, another one of my father's clients. I felt I had nothing to lose so I ended up killing both of them… I ran away again, to wall Maria.

I wanted to start from scratch, I cut my hair to make myself a little less recogniasable, I had to change my name again, but I couldn't decide on a surname so I just stayed Catherine.

Lukily I found work in a nice farm, the owner, Louis, was amazing… he gave me a place to stay, food and love in exchange of a little help in the farm. I spent my happiest years with him, I had a real home for the first time in my life. Louis lived alone, he had lost his daughter and wife some years before so he treated me like the daughter he lost. He thaught me everything he knew: to read and write, to take care of animals, he thaught me manners and kindness.

I loved him like a real father, after all I went trough it was nice to know that some people could have such a kind heart in this cruel world. He and Farlan were the only people who ever cared about me before I joined the Trainees Squad.

Time passed, I lived happily with Louis until, when I was thirteen, the Armored Titan made a breach in Wall Maria, I didn't see any titans, I was luky enough to escape before they could make it to our village.

Louis Abrington died when he was sent to the retrieval operation to take back Wall Maria, I was alone again. When I realised the Military Police was still after me I decided to join the Trainees under the name of Catherine Abrington, in honor of the only true father I ever had.

I met a lot of interesting people, some had a past as horrible as mine… then I met Eliza and Gray, they made me understand that not all hope was lost, they saved me from loneliness.

After Louis' death, I didn't think I would be able to care about anyone ever again but I couldn't help it." I sighed. "You know the rest of the story, I graduated from the Trainees in three years, I was the seventh best so I could have joined the Military Police, but I didn't… Instinct was telling me that the Scouting Legion was the right choice and I don't regret it." I looked at him, I couldn't interpret his expression. "So now you know what I am… I don't blame you if I you think I'm a disgusting murderer." He let go of my hand.

"Do you regret what you did?" He asked, keeping his best poker face.

"I was so young, I acted on impulse…" I looked at the sheets, avoiding his eyes, I didn't want to see his disgust. "But you know what? I'm gonna tell you the truth… No, I don't regret it, people like my father deserve to die!" I clenched my fist and found the courage to look him in the eyes again, no emotion, as usual. "The only reason the MP gives a shit is that he was one of the richest people in this fucking walls, they don't care about justice."

"I won't let them take you." He simply said, with his stoic expression. I smiled bitterly.

"I'm not sure there is much you can do about it." His answer made me feel better, maybe he didn't see me as a monster after all.

He let out an annoyed "Tch." And rolled his eyes. "I'll kill every single one of them if necessary." I widened my eyes. He couldn't be serious.

"I'm touched that you would do that for me but you really shouldn't… I souldn't have told you my story in the first place." I sighed, I didn't want him to get in trouble with the MP because of me, I was able to take care of myself, I would have figured something out.

"I would have never imagined that a brat like you could have gone trough so much." He said… great, now I had his pity.

"I hate myself for what I did, I just wanted to forget it and live a normal life…" His eyes were sad, he really was sorry for me.

"Don't hate yourself for bullshit like that." He clenched his fist. "Your father was a sick, filthy scumbag. He deserved what he got, actually, he deserved a lot fucking worse. And so did those fucking pigs who raped you! That's so fucked up." His eyes were now full of rage, I loved how much he tried to keep his face without emotion but his eyes always gave everything away. "They should be thankfull that I didn't get my hads on them, I would have fucking flayed them alive." I gave him a sad look. He stared at me for a while, without uttering a word. "I don't want you to keep all of this weight on your shoulders." He whispered.

"I always have and I'll always have to… I don't have a choice." I answered with a bitter tone.

"You're not alone to keep it anymore, I'm here now and I won't let the military lay a hand on you. Now that you shared all this with me, you don't have to keep it all in, brat. You'll end up broken." I didn't think it was possible for him to have such a sweet and protective side but I felt so good as he said those words.

"We have that in common." He was taken aback by my response but he composed his self right away. He sighed.

"Don't make this about me, you idiot." He deepened his voice, but there was a hint of affection as he called me idiot, it almost sounded like a compliment. I didn't answer. "I'll tell you about me one day, but now is not the right time."

"Don't worry…" I answered.

"You need to rest a little now, they are gonna dismiss you tomorrow. I want you in your full capability." He put his hand in my hair and messed it up with a nostalgic look in his eyes. I smiled.

"Now that we're on the subject… How did they dismiss you right away with a wound like that?" I pointed at his stomach.

"Your stitches were pretty good, I just moved too much, the wound wasn't that serious anyway, I stayed in bed for a day and I was as good as new." I smiled, I was glad to hear that. "I'm fast at recovery anyway."

"I think you need a little rest too." I moved to a more comfortable position on the hospital bed. He looked at me for a moment then looked away with a slight blush of his cheeks. It confused me. He sighed.

"Make space then." He lay down next too me, he didn't come under the sheets but just having him next to me like that made me turn a dark shade of red. Luckly he wasn't looking at me. "I'll just stay until you fall asleep, brat." He whispered, getting even closer.

It made me feel safe to have him right next to me like that, but I didn't want to miss even a second of it, so I couldn't fall asleep but I didn't mind.

I could smell his scent, I would have never imagined he would smell so good. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation of having him there.

He didn't touch me at all, I was kind of disappointed about that but at least he was there. I fell asleep after an hour or so, noticing that he was awake for the whole time.

When I woke up in the morning, he was gone but I felt great, I felt so energetic and enthusiastic to get to training again.

They dismissed me a couple of hours after I woke up, around eleven. I ran outside, enjoying the sweet breeze and the taste of freedom. I looked at the sky, after living in the underground it never failed to amaze me.

I walked to the stables, hoping to find my friends training there, but they weren't. I looked in the mess hall, running into a couple of soldiers on the way but I didn't know any of them.

So I went to my dorm, I didn't even have time to open the door that someone tackled me on the ground with a hug.

"You're finally back!" Squealed Eliza. I hugged her back and let out a little laugh.

"Of course, I couldn't stay there forever." I answered. When she let go of me I saw that we weren't alone in the room, Mikasa, Sasha, Eren, Armin, Connie, Jean and Gray were there.

I was quite confused about it but didn't ask anything.

"Hey, I'm Eren, we met during training about two weeks ago." Said the green eyed boy.

"I remember you, I'm Catherine." I smiled. "So… why is there no training today?" I asked.

"The midget was in a good mood today, he gave us a day off." Answered Mikasa.

"Don't call him that." Said Eren, giving her a angry glance, she tensed up.

I smiled, so Levi was in a good mood, I wandered if it could be because of me, but I doubted it.

Gray sat next to me, putting his arm on my shoulders.

"I'm glad you're back." He said, giving me a soft kiss on the cheek, I smiled at him.

"So am I." I answered.

Connie and Sasha were in a deep conversation about meat, so they weren't partecitive.

"So, Cath, you and the Captain are the first people to come back after getting lost outside the walls, you're like a celebrity now." Said Jean with a smirk, crossing his arms.

"Well… we were really luky actually." I blushed. "I wouldn't have made it here alone, it's all thanks to Captain Levi."

"Well… that's not his version of the story." Said Connie. "Commander Erwin told us everything in the mess hall this morning. He said you saved Levi's life from a group of titans and that you stitched him up as we left, it was actually thanks to you."

Eren looked at me in shock. "You _saved_ Captain Levi?!" He shouted.

I blushed violently. "I did stitch him up but we wouldn't be here if wasn't for him. We used a horse to come back at night, when the titans couldn't move… Then in the morning he killed all the titans we encountered, I was about to get eaten but he saved my life."

"I still think that what you did was amazing, you didn't know if you would have been able to come back after we left, but still… you decided to stay behind and take care of him. That was a huge sacrifice but you still decided to do it." Said Armin. "Most of us would have just left the Captain to his destiny." Just thinking about his death made me shiver in panic.

"I… I'm not like that, he's humanity's hope, I couldn't just leave him to die." I bended the truth a little so they wouldn't suspect about my feelings for him. "My life counts nothing compared to his, humanity would be lost without him."

"Don't say that, your life counts as much as his." Said Eliza.

"Actually…" Started Gray but Eliza gave him an angry glace so he decided to shut his mouth.

"As if." I whispered, hoping she wouldn't hear me.

"You were in the news paper yesterday, a huge picture of you and Levi on the front page." Said Jean, smiling. "I mean… people hardly believe what happened!"

"I have a hard time believing it too." I let out a nervous laugh. Then I realised… My face the news papers must have been the reason why the Military found me.

"Well… what matters is that you're both back in one piece." Said Gray with a true, happy smile on his face. I smiled back and nodded.

We spent the rest of the day just talking, we just moved from our dorm to outdoor, that day was so peacefull, I was so glad all of them were alive and doing fine.

Little did I know that it was just the calm before the storm…

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Author's note:

Hi everyone, this chapter is a little shorter then the other ones but it finally explains Cath's backstory, I hope you enjoyed it.. And last thing, as you probably noticed I've been uploading chapters really fast... that was because I had already written the story to this point when I started uploading it. That means it will take me a little longer to upload the next chapters, I hope you'll keep reading even if I don't upload as often.. Sorry, thank you so much for reading, hope you like the story, I'd like to hear your opinions on what's happening or whatever is on your mind if you want to leave a review, thanks again :)

-Maddy


	7. Chapter 7

That night I got woken up by someone banging on the door, when I opened up I saw Levi, he was biting on his lip nervously and holding onto a knife.

"No time to explain, get dressed, you're coming with me." I nodded nervously without asking any questions.

"What's going on?" Asked Eliza, getting out of her bed.

"You can't stay here, get dressed." He sounded nervous and it was worring me, I put my uniform on as fast as I could and waited for other orders. "Say goodbye quickly, I'm not sure you'll see each other soon."

Mikasa and Sasha were awake too now.

"Levi, what's going on? What do you mean I won't see them again?!" I raised my voice with a worried expression.

He looked around. "Just say goodbye, dammit!" He raised his voice.

I hugged Eliza as tight as I could. Sasha and Mikasa looked worried but that didn't say anything, I just waved them goodbye.

"Say goodbye to Gray from me…" I said before Levi grabbed my arm and started pushing me away.

"Time's up." He turned around. "Follow me." He ran out.

I looked at Eliza one last time and started running after him.

"What's going on?!" I asked as I finally reached him.

"The Military Police is here to arrest you, they are ransacking the place." I gulped. "I'm making sure you get out of here before they find you."

I clenched my fist. "Thanks Levi… but…" I stopped running. He turned around to face me. "I'm done living as a fugitive!" I raised my voice and stood my ground.

"We don't have time for this! You'll be executed if they arrest you." I looked at him blankly.

"Maybe it's what I deserve." His eyes widened and he gritted his theeth.

"Don't say that, you idiotic brat!" He got closer and grabbed my wrist. I struggled to free myslef but without success. "Please, just come with me… We'll hide you just until we figure this out." I stopped trying to get free and stared at his eyes, they were sad and begging me to go with him, I had never heard Levi asking for something so nicely, he would usually just give orders. I looked back quickly, to check that no one was behind us. Then i sighed and nodded.

"Fine…" I looked down. "But promise me I won't have to hide forever, please… I would rather die." He stared back at me.

"Promise, we'll fix it." He turned around, getting ready to run.

"I'm so tired, so sick of this… I don't want any more ghosts of my past haunting me." I said and I started to run after him again.

"Trust me and it's gonna be fine." I didn't answer, I just kept running until I realized that we weren't heading out of the HQ.

"Where are we going? If I stay here they are gonna find me." I was about to panic but I tried to keep my composure.

"They are guarding the exits, I'm getting you out after they leave, you'll have to hide in a little dark room for a while." I gulped. What if they found me? They were ransacking the place, of course they would find a damn room! It wasn't safe anywhere in the HQ.

"But…"

"No buts, follow me and shut up." I gulped once again and followed his instructions, until we got to the basement, a book shelf was in the room, he pushed it out of the way effortlessly, revealing a hidden room. "Get in." He said. I obeyed. Then he took off his jacket and handed it to me.

"You might get cold, keep it for now but don't get it dirty." I thanked him and wraped it around my shoulders.

He put a hand on the book shelf, ready to put it back in it's place, I gave him a sad look so he decided to stop. He sighed. "It's gonna be fine… I'd stay here with you but if the Military Police doesn't see me it would be suspitious. I'll come back as soon as I can, _Emma_." I shivered when I heard my real name like that, I bit my lip, I hated that name but the way he said it made it almost sound sweet.

He looked at the stairs, some voices could be heard, he moved his gaze back to me… He just stared at me for a couple of seconds, time stopped, I was scared and excited at the same time, his presence made me feel strange but it was a good feeling.

Then he finally snapped out of it, he grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer until his lips crashed into mine, my eyes widened, when he pulled away I had no words, I just looked at him in shock, inside me I could feel a storm of emotions filling me up, I smiled as he put the book shelf back, leaving me in the darkness, not saying a word but there was no need for something as useless as words, I felt all he wanted to say in the touch of his soft lips.

I could hardly breathe, I still had an idiotc smile on my face, I rested my back on the wall and let myself drift to the ground, with Levi's jacket wraped around me, I sat there for what seemed like hours until I heard voices outside.

It almost made me forget about Levi, I put a hand on my own mouth to make sure I wouldn't betray myself, I stopped breathing, I was scared that even the beating of my own heart could be too loud and give my hiding place away. I had to be as quiet as I possibly could, they looked around the room and eventually gave up, going back up, when they left I allowed my self to catch my breath and feel relieved.

I hugged my knees as tightly as I could and found comfort onto the thought of Levi, I wanted him there with me, I wanted him to give me an explanation, to tell me if he felt the same as I did or if he was just trying to calm me down, I needed to know, I needed him: his eyes, his scent, his hair, his voice, his _lips.  
_

I waited and waited until I fell asleep wraped in his jacket, the last thing I thought before sleeping was that it smelled like him. When I woke up I was still in the darkness of the same room and I felt sore from sleeping on the ground. I didn't know how much time passed, all I knew was that an old friend of mine was paying me a visit, it's name was fear. I started thinking of every possible thing that could have happened to Levi, why he wasn't coming back… what if they took him ostage and I couldn't know just because I was stuck in a stupid dark room waiting for him to come back and save me like some damsel in distress waiting for her knight? I smiled at the tought but I wasn't weak, I never was, I didn't need protection, I could defenately fight and protect my self if need be.

I waited some more and heard footstep aproaching, it was more than one person so it couldn't be Levi, my heart started racing faster, why were they coming back? Did someone talk about this hidden room? I bit my lip as hard as I could, I couldn't let fear get the better of me now. _Fear is just in your mind_ I told myself, _it's useless_ but it wasn't helping, they were here again, and they would kill me if they found me. This time there seemed to be no esitation, they headed straight for the book shelf, I started trying to feel what was around me to find a weapon of some sort, lukily I found a rock, I clenched it in my hand, I was sweating cold, waiting for anyone to reveal my hiding place, I was ready to take them, I could knock them out and run away.

It was funny how willing I was to throw my life away some hours before and how I actually found a reason to live it, I wanted to hold on to my life, I wanted to live more than I ever wanted anything else, all thanks to Levi.

The book shelf started moving, I stood up, getting ready to attack, light blinded me but I jumped out all the same, wielding the rock, trying to hit whoever tried to reveal me. I found myself disarmed in no time, I still couldn't see, I had been in the dark for too long. I could feel I was on the ground with a boot on my face, as I realised I was already defeated I wanted to weep but I didn't.

"Damn you! You scared the shit out of me!" The boot stepped off my face, I looked up but the light was still giving me trouble, I put a hand in front of my eyes. But I wasn't scared anymore, I knew who the voice belonged to and I had never been happier to hear it.

When my sight finally came back I looked around me, Levi was standing there looking all mighty and Erwin next to him. He helped me up.

"They left, you're safe for now." Said Erwin, putting a hand on my shouler, Levi gave him one of his glances but I tried not to dwell on it too much. "But they will come back, they saw your picture on the news papers and they know who you truly are, Emma Florent." Hearing that name I looked at Levi with a hurt expression, did he tell Erwin everything? How could he?

Levi opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but he closed it right away, Erwin seemed to notice the tension. "It's not his fault, Levi didn't tell me a thing, no matter how much I asked. It was the military police." I mentally thanked Levi him and gave him a small smile but at the same time I hated the fact that Commander Erwin knew about my past, what if he told someone? Was he going to treat me differently now?

"So, what now? I don't want to hide forever…" I said softly, biting my lip. Erwin sighed.

"Can you prove your innocence?" Asked the commander.

I shook my head. "I can't prove something that doesn't exist." He gave me a judging look, I tried not think about it but it hurt me, Levi was calm as usual.

"You won't have to hide until they come back but I'd rather be prudent." He looked at the stairs and at me again. "They will defenately come back, they won't stop until they have you…" He stopped for a second to gather his thoughts. "We have to find a way to make you free again, we can't have a fugitive criminal in the army." I opened my mouth to protest, I wasn't a criminal, I wouldn't hurt a fly… I felt my eyes getting wet but I held my tears in, I had become so good at holding them in recently. One of the only people I could count on thought I was a merciless murderer. I looked away.

"Erwin, you don't know the whole story, leave her alone." Said Levi protectively as he stepped towards me. "I'm telling you she had good reasons to do what she did."

"I'll just have to trust your word." Sighed the commander.

"Please commander, I know it might sound bad… Keeping a murderer in the Scouting Legion, I wouldn't do it in your place but… I really had no other chance back then. I would never do anything like that again, even thinking about what I did makes me want to puke. I hate myself for it and I can't justify it, but I want to redeem myself, I was just a kid when it happened. I need another chance. Please…" I disgusted myself with those words, they were the words of some weak little girl who needed help. I didn't want to ask so much of Erwin, maybe it would be better if I left the Survey Corps to be a fugitive again.

"I have no intention of kicking you out or giving you to the MP, I'm just trying to find a way to make it legal for you to stay with us." I looked down, I apreciated he would do that for me but it made me feel really guilty all the same.

"I don't think there is a way to do that…" I sighed as I held on to Levi's jacket, that was layed on my shoulers, I was feeling colder than before.

"We'll figure it out, you should just ignore it and go back to your friends for now." He smiled to reassure me, I wasn't feeling reassured at all but I nodded and forced myself to smile back at him.

"Thank you commander." I said sincearly and I stared walking toward the stairs, all I wanted now was to take a long nap.

"Wait up, brat." Said Levi as he followed, I waited for him to reach me and I started walking up the stairs, leaving Erwin alone in the basement. As Levi walked next to me my face started heating up as I thought about the kiss again, I was dying to ask him about it but maybe it wasn't the best time to bring it up… yet I couldn't hold myself in anymore. I just hoped he wouldn't notice the color of my face.

"Are you seriously blushing like that just because I'm here?" Asked Levi with a annoyed tone. I gulped, he did notice after all.

"Sorry… It's just that…" I couldn't even finish the sentence, I still couldn't belive he kissed me, my heart started speeding up and I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

"Before you say anything, you should get some rest and I don't think your dorm is the right place for that right now." My heart skipped a beat, was he suggesting me to join him in his? I blushed even more. He noticed and he rolled his eyes.

It must have been something like four in the morning because everything was so quiet and nobody was around, the place seemed like a ghost town. Levi walked quietly next to me, when we reached his dorm, he didn't say anything, he just opened the door, waited for me to get in and closed the door behind us. We just stared at each other for a couple of seconds.

"Can we talk about what happened?" I asked, feeling a little more confident.

"Take your boots off." He ignored me, why was he avoiding this conversation? I did as he asked as he did the same, I placed them neatly next to the door. Levi sat on the bed and waited for me to get next to him. I took a deep breath and joined him on the bed.

"I'm not really good with words, brat… I'd rather use body language." He turned around to look at me, his face was a inch away from mine, I gulped, this time I wanted to be the one to take the first step, I got closer and gently put my lips on his.

An eletric wave shot trough my body. Levi responded with opening his mouth, I let his tongue in, deepening the kiss… Our tongues fought for dominance, I let him win but not easily. I could feel a deep passion I had never felt before in my life and before I knew it we were laying in bed and he was on top of me, I let out a moan. Levi pulled away from the kiss for air and we both stared at each other, panting, he smirked at me, I blushed. He soon got back to the kiss, everything felt so unreal, Levi wasn't just my superior anymore, what I felt for him wasn't a stupid crush… It was so real, so incredibly real. I had never felt such an emotion for anyone, this kind of love was so different from the rest, it was the strongest emotion I ever felt, stronger than the fear of the titans, stronger that the hate for my father, stronger that the numbness after I murdered him, stronger than what I felt for my friends, stronger than the sadness I felt in my miserable life.

Being near him was like a cure for everything I had been trough, it made my heart bear like a drum, his touch made me shiver in pleasure and his lips on mine were pure heaven.

The truth was that just the thought of doing anything related to sex, even making out, reminded me of what happened to me when I was younger, of all those disgusting perverts that used me… sometimes it was even hard to let people touch me because of that, what I had been trough left a scar in my subconcious and I could do nothing to control it but Levi's kisses and touches were totally different, his lips weren't just hungry for more, they were sweet and loving and I wanted him just as much as he wanted me, unlike my past experiences. This man was turning something I thought was horrible into a positive and beautiful experience.

My hands started unbuttoning his shirt without breaking the kiss, his hand caught my wrist, making me stop. He broke away from the kiss, I looked at him in confusion and got a little scared, was I doing something wrong? Maybe he didn't like me that much…

"Look..." He looked me in the eyes with a sad expression. "If you don't want this or if it gets too far for you, just tell me and I will stop." I sighed in relief, I seriously thought he would kick me out or something, I smiled sweetly at him.

"I love you, Levi." The words came out so easily, I planted another kiss on his lips. Levi tensed up at my words, but I didn't need him to say it back, I just wanted to let him know my feelings. I parted from his lips again and kissed his ear lobe. "I want you." I whispered.

.

.

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Author's note:

I'm baaack! Sorry if it took longer that usual, I'll try to be a little faster, also, this chapter is a little shorter then the others (sorryy) but a LOT of things happened and I finally got Levi and Cath toghether, hope you're happy about it! I'm really nervous for the next chapter though, because I've never written a sex scene and I'm kinda nervous, I'm not really sure if I should write it, it's really embarassing hahaha.

Last thing: I drew Catherine, Gray and Eliza and posted the drawings on Tumblr.. then I found out I can't put links on fanfiction, yay. If you want to check it out my Tumblr is "maddyfoxsnk" it's the only thing I posted so it shouldn't be hard to find lol. Hope you check it out, it's just how I picture the characters, if you picture them differently it's ok, I just wanted to share this with you guys.. Thanks again for reading, love you all, hope you have a great day! -maddy


	8. Chapter 8

My eyes opened slowly as they caught the light in the room, I blinked a few times and let out a quiet groan, as I realised where I was and what just happened a big smile formed on by lips.

"Levi?" I asked without moving, but no answer came so I pushed myself up lazily, covering my chest with the blanket. I looked around but he wasn't anywhere to be found, I sighed and moved my gaze to the open window… the sun was up and the curtains were dancing slowly in the wind, I apreciated the breeze with a smile. Everything seemed better then it was before, I was so happy.

I wished that Levi was there but at the same time I was a little glad that he wasn't… I could skip all of the embarassment and awkwardness, I ran a hand trough my hair trying to tidy them a little and stood up, I looked around and found my uniform neatly folded on Levi's desk with a note on it. I got there and picked the note up with a foolish smile.

"Get to training brat." Was all the note said but it still made me smile like a helpless in love idiot, I never thought I would experience something like this but it was the most wanderful I had ever felt in my entire miserable life.

I got a pen from the drawer in his desk and answered his note with a little neat heart and started dressig up as fast as I could, judging from the position of the sun it must have been around mid day and I had lost a lot of training, Eliza and Gray were probably worried about me.

I got out of Levi's room and ran into Hanji right outside the door, I blushed like a tomato, mortified. She looked at me in confusion for a couple of seconds until realisation hit her, making her smirk, she just stood there looking at me with a sarcastic look on her face, I never wanted to disapear more than I did in that moment.

"I…" I tried to find any excuse that could get me out of that horrible situation but my mind was blank so I just stood there, mortified, trying to find the words.

"No need to say anything, it was about time for him to get some action." She started laughing and walking away, I took the chance and speed walked away, I tried to hide my face with my hair, I had never been so embarassed before. I sighed and tried to forget it, she wasn't going to tell every one, right?

Before getting to training I went to the bathroom for a couple of minutes then I quickly got to the stables where I saw Jean on stable duty, I reached him with the intention of asking him where everyone was.

"Hey Jean!" I greeted him with a smile.

"Cath!" He smirked. "Why do you look so happy?" He asked sarcasticly. I gave him a confused glance.

"I… I don't know." I smiled again.

"So nothing happened, uh?" Why did it seem like he knew about me and Levi? I blushed.

"Well… the MP came here to look for me but aside from that nothing's different." I shrugged.

"Wait… you mean they were after you?!" He asked. I froze, dammit, I forgot that nobody knew about my past, how could I be so stupid?! "They were going around looking for a girl named Emma Florent, what the...?" He was so confused. I was still frozen by my stupidity… How could I possibly say something like that without thinking?

"I was kidding." I tried to lie with a fake smile on my face.

"Wait… Catherine isn't your real name, is it?" He was shocked. "Your name is Emma!" He laughed nervously. "And I thought the big news was that you had sex with Levi!" I blushed like a tomato.

"How do you know that!?" I shouted a little louder then what I actually intended.

"You didn't actually expect Hanji to keep it a secret, did you?" He asked.

"I didn't think it would spread out this fast!" I put my hands in my hair in frustration, seriously? Hanji really told Jean about it? And worse of all: he knew my real name. "Just don't tell anyone please.." I asked in a defeated tone.

"About your name or about Levi..?" He asked. "I'm guessing it's the first one since Hanji probably already told eveyone." He laughed.

"About my name…" I sighed.

"I think you should keep your old name, you know… Why would you hide who you are? Are you a criminal or something?" He asked as he got back to sweeping the stable.

"I…" I seriously didn't know what to tell him, I couldn't tell him everything the same way I did with Levi. "It's complicated." I answered.

"Well, I like the name Emma." He smiled at me. I blushed for some reason, why did I feel so embarassed?

"I don't… It brings back bad memories." I bit my bottom lip as Jean stared at me, he had a strange look on his face, I couldn't decipher what he was feeling, strangely, he was usually so open about his thoughts.

"It's just my opinion…" He stopped as he kept sweeping, he stayed silent for a while until he stopped what he was doing and moved his gaze to me. "So… is it serious between you and Levi now?" I blushed again.

"I don't know actually.." I sighed. "I hope it is." He seemed a little sad about the answer but I acted like I didn't notice. "Why are you on stable duty by the way?" I asked.

"Oh… I got in a fight with a guy from the military police because he was going trough my stuff so Levi got pissed and put me on stable duty." He shrugged, I laughed.

"You never learn, do you?" I said ironially with a smile, he was about to answer but I interrupted him, I knew he would just insult me back. "Anyway… I came here to ask where everyone is, I need to get back to training."

"They're in the forest training with the 3d gear." He pointed his finger towards the stable's open door where the forest was visible. I nodded.

"Thanks… I need to go now." I faked a smile and walked towards the door, when I got outside I ran to the forest as fast as I could, I was happy to get back to training, the last time I trained had been before the expedition and I strangely missed it.

When I ran into the forest I saw some of my comrades going from tree to tree, I smiled until I caught a glimpse of Mike, he was probably the one monitoring training in Erwin's place today. He walked towards me with a smile. I never actually talked to Mike but he seemed kind of nice… until he started sniffing me.

I stood there, frozen, waiting for it to be over. When he detached himself from me he had a ironic smile on his face, I felt so weird about it.

"You must be the girl that Hanji was talking about… I can smell Levi all over you!" He said. I blushed, what the fuck?! Did she seriously tell _everyone_? First Jean and now Mike, would Levi be mad at me for letting Hanji find out? Dammit. "Petra won't be too happy about it…" He mumbled under his breath.

"I… I'm here for training." I was so embarassed I could hardly talk but he didn't seem judgmental at all, he actually seemed genuinely happy for me.

"Sure… the wooden titans are in the forest, you know what to do." He said with a smile. "Off you go." I was so glad he let me go… he was so weird. I jumped on the nearest three with the gear and started slicing the nape of the wooden titans I ran into. Until I heard someone call my name.

"Catherine!" Her tone was cheerful as usual, I stopped on a three and waited for her to reach me.

"Sasha." I answered with a smile.

"Oh god! Are you ok?" She asked in a worried tone.

"I'm fine, as you can see." I smiled to reassure her.

"Was the military police after you?" She asked. I bit my lip and nodded. "I'm glad they didn't find you!" She said with a smile.

"Me too." I laughed nervously, hoping she wouldn't ask any questions.

"Eliza was super worried until she heard you were… emh… fine." She laughed. How would she hear I was fine? Oh my god… don't tell me Eliza knew about Levi too.. I wanted to be the one to tell her.

"Hanji told you, didn't she?" I rolled my eyes.

"Actually Connie told me and the others, I don't know who he heard it from." She shrugged. "So… how was it?" She asked, giggling.

"I'm not sharing any details." I answered, trying not to sound too rude.

"C'mon… everyone wants to know!" She smiled. "Was he…" She got cut off by another person screaming my name. I sighed in relief and turned to face him.

"Cath! You have so much things to tell me." Said Gray as he reached us onto the tree. "How was it?" He has such a big smirk on his face, I wanted to kill Hanji so badly right now.

"I'll tell you later, ok?!" I shouted.

"Woah, calm down." He smiled. "Oh and are you ok? Eliza was worried sick."

"I'm fine, they didn't find me.." I sighed.

"Why were they after you in the first place?" He was starting to ask uncomftable questions again.

"Gray plase…" I begged.

"Ok, sorry, you'll tell me later…" He sighed. "Let's get back to training." He smiled. "I'm glad you're ok by the way." He said before jumping away and fading into the forest. I smiled at his words as I watched him leave.

"Ok…" Said Sasha before following him. I went after them.

Three or four hours went by with training, and when it was over I was so happy to finally feel tired, I loved the feeling you got after a good work out, I felt so statisfied even if my leg muscles were a little sore.

When Mike finally told us we were done I knew what was coming…

"Cath!" Shouted Eliza as she almost tackled me with a hug. "I almost got a fucking heart attack because of you!" She said as she hugged me some more. I laughed. Gray reached us soon after.

"Lets get to your dorm, you have a lot of things to explain." I sighed at his remark.

"I know." I answered in a defeated tone.

They basically dragged me into the dorm, on the way there people were giving me strange looks and smirks, the whole fucking Survey Corps knew about me and Levi. Great, fucking great.

"I have so many questions I don't even know which one to start with." Said Gray, running a hand trough his hair.

"Let her breathe Gray, everyone is bothering her today." Said Eliza as she put a hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks." I smiled at her. "But it's time I start explaining…" I sighed. "You are my best friends and you deserve to know."

Gray looked at me couriously while Eliza was a little more puzzled and unsure.

"Just… promise nothing will change if I tell you. I don't want to lose eather of you because of something I did so long ago." I looked at them, telling the story was always hard but this time I was a little more ready for it, the fact that I was in a really good mood was helping a lot.

"I don't care if you have done horrible things, I will always be here for you." Said Gray with a sure smile, Eliza agreed with him, I smiled back at them, I was so lucky to have these two idiots by my side.

I started telling them my story, everything, about the brothel, about my name, about Farlan, about the military, about Louis, every single thing that happened to me. This time I didn't cry, not even one tear, I was trying to make it as little depressing as I could but their faces weren't like Levi's, I could see every single emotion they were feeling written all over their face: shock, disgust, pity, sadness… they were all so clear.

"So the military reconised me from the wallpapers and came to look for me and I'm afraid they are going to come back." I sighed, that was it, I did it, no more secrets… I felt relieved, I could finally stop being misterious and rude about my past. I was free to truly be myself around them. "So this is it… I told you everything and I understand it's a lot to take in, but please just treat me as you always did, it's still me, Catherine."

They both stayed silent until Gray stood up, walked towards me and threw his arms around my neck. "As I said, we'll always be here for you. You have nothing to worry about." I hugged him back and I felt tears of happiness in my eyes, I had two real friends, no matter what I had gone trough I was still able to love and be loved. When Gray detached himslef from me I saw Eliza's face, she had tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry you have gone trough so much… you had to carry such a huge weight this whole time and I suspected nothing, I'm so sorry but I promise you can always count on me, I will always be by your side." I hugged her because if she kept going I would have started crying and that day I was too happy to be depressed.

"Woah, I'm getting emotional here, can we change the subject?" Said Gray with a smile. I smiled back at him, I was glad he didn't want to talk about my past anymore, I didn't want to talk about it eather, I said all I had to say, it was time for a more cheerful conversation.

"Good idea Gray, there is a subject I'd like to talk about." Smiled Eliza. I sighed, I already knew where that was going. "So, last night a lot of things happened, is there something in particular you'd like to tell us..?" She smirked, she was really cocky for such a shy girl.

"Oh god, yes, I had sex with Levi. Why is it such a big deal?" I rolled my eyes as I blushed, holding in a smile.

"Stop being a drama queen, we both know you want to talk about it." Said Gray, I laughed at his comment because it was kind of true.

"Well… what do you want to know?" I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"Is he big?" Started Gray.

"Are you in love with him?" Asked Eliza.

"And if he is… How big is he?" Went on Gray.

"And is he in love with you?"

"How much did he last?"

"Did you like it?"

"Did you start with foreplay or did you have sex straight away?"

"Was he gentle or rough?"

"How did it feel to have sex with the coolest and strongest man alive?"

"Who came first?"

"But seriously… how big was he? I mean, is it true that short guys have a big dick or is it just a legend?"

"Tell us everything, with details!"

I looked at them with shock, how in the world would I explain all that? What the hell.

"Oh my fucking god, you guys!" I said. "I did not expect this kind of questions from you.. I thought you two were pure and innocent!" They looked at each other and started laughing.

"Seriously, what kind of questions were you expecting?" Said Eliza between laughs.

"I… I don't know..?" I answered with a unsure tone.

"Are you gonna answer or what?" Asked Gray with a smirk.

"I… fine…" I sighed. "Well, Gray, since you are so intrested: he was big but I don't think that all short guys are, it's just a legend and… what were the other questions again? I'll answer one at a time." I was a little uncomftable talking about it but they were my best friends so I tried not to be shy and just tell them everything they wanted to know.

"But, like… how big?" Asked Gray again. I rolled my eyes, why the fuck was he so intrested in Levi's dick? But after that I showed his how big he was with my hands. "Wow, that's impressive!" He said with a smirk. "Did it hurt?"

"Dude…" Said Eliza, giving Gray a angry glance, I understood that it was because I had been raped before so I was used to it. He seemed to realize how stupid that question was a second after.

"Sorry, I didn't remember…" He was actually mortified so I smiled and told him not to worry.

"My turn!" Said Eliza happily. "Are you two in love with eachother or is it a one night thing?"

"C'mon, El, you're seriously asking her if she's in love with captain fucking Levi? Everyone is a little in love with Levi." Said Gray, rolling his eyes.

"Shut up, fangirl." She said in a annoyed tone and got back to facing me. "So?"

"I'm not sure if I'm in love, I have very strong feelings for him but I don't know if it's love… I've never been in love before.." I sighed. "And I don't know if he is, he doesn't really let his emotions show." I looked at her. "I kind of hope that he is and that it's not a one night thing but I'm kind of scared he's gonna be mad that I let Hanji find out."

"About that… How did she find out?" Asked Gray.

"I was walking out of Levi's room with messy hair and all, she caught on pretty quickly…" I sighed.

"What did she say?" Asked Eliza between laughs.

"She stared at me for a little too long, started laughing and said it was about time Levi got some action, then she walked away as if nothing had happened." I sighed. "Off to tell every single member of the Survey Corps about it, making my life hell."

"Stop being so dramatic, I don't think people care that much." Shrugged Eliza.

"Well, I cared… and so did Connie… and Sasha… and Eren, and Mikasa, and Armin…" Grey started listing a long list of people who were with him when Connie told them the big news, I caught him off, I did not want to know.

"Ok, I got it, a lot of people know…" I sighed again.

"We're not done with the questions, by the way." Smirked Gray. "It's my turn now… how much did he last and did you come before or after him?" He stopped, I blushed like a tomato, why did he have to ask such embarassing questions? "Oh wait, and also did you do any foreplay or did you have sex right away?" I repressed all of my shyness and started talking.

"We did do some foreplay, I don't want to be too specific though…" I stopped to gather courage to go on. "I came before him… twice… he lasted a lot more then I expected." I avoided their eyes, Gray looked so amused and shocked at what he just heard, making it even more embarassing.

"Holy shit, that guy is a fucking sex machine!" Shouted Gray, followed by laughs from Eliza, I put a hand on my face to hide how red I was, why did I ever decide to tell him?

"Soooo, was he gentle or rough and did you like it?" Asked El.

"Of course she liked it, she's in a good mood for a reason." Said Gray, teasing us.

"I want to hear it from her." She rolled her eyes and looked at me with a smile.

"He was gentle at first, he got rough later but asked me if he could be... and of course I liked it, it wasn't just plesurable for my body but I never felt so emotionally connected to anyone in my entire life… It was amazing, I loved it." I smiled, I was getting a little more comftable talking about this.

"C'mon, tell us what the foreplay was." Smirked Gray.

"You're a terrible, terrible friend, you know that?" He laughed but still waited for a reply. "He fingered me, happy?"

"Woah." He smirked. "Yes, I'm happy."

"Any more questions?" I asked, trying not to sound annoyed.

"How do you feel about having sex with the hottest and coolest man alive?" Asked Gray with an annoying smirk.

"Really good actually, I never thought he would have sex with _me_ , but I'm really happy about it… he is amazing!" I said with a dreamy voice, I was so happy about it and I wasn't even sure if it was true, it was too good to be true, wasn't it?

Grey and Eliza finally ended their questions and we kept on talking until we heard a knock at the door.

"Come in." Said Gray, Eren opened the door.

"Hey guys, Commander Erwin wants everyone to gather in the mess hall, he needs to tell us something." He informed us.

"Thanks Eren, we'll be there in a second." I answered as I smiled at him, he smiled back with a knowing smirk.

"Had fun last night?" He asked before closing the door, I blushed like a tomato and cursed at Hanji again in my head while Gray and Eliza laughed their asses off.

We then got up and hurried to the mess hall, ready for whatever Erwin had to tell us, when we got there we saw that everyone was there, waiting for the commander's words, Erwin was already in front of us with Levi and Hanji at his side. I stopped to look at Levi for a moment, he looked so handsome with his beautiful eyes gazing at us and his hair on his face, he was serious as ever until his eyes met mine. He gave me the smallest of smiles but I still saw it, my heart skipped a beat and I looked away immidiately, blushing, why did he have to be so perfect? Then I noticed that Hanji was also looking at me, she blinked and smirked, and as much as I hated what she did I still liked her, she was a little insane but she was way too funny and awesome for me to hate her.

When everyone got there Erwin finally started talking.

"Now that everyone has gathered here, it's time to announce that the 57th expediton beyond the walls in about to take place." No one was happy about hearing those words but everyone was expecting it. "We need to find a way from Karanes distrect to Shiganshina, where we think the secret of the titans is hidden. The expedition is going to take place in a week, later today we are going to tell you the formations, you have a week to get ready. This expedition is really important, it's vital that we find the quickest way to Shiganshina distrect to defeat the titans." He sighed and followed with the military salute that we all imitated imidiately. "You re free to go for now, get ready." After the last words he left us in the mess hall and headed out.

"Great." I said sarcastically to Eliza, she had a bitter look on her face.

"I have a bad feeling about this mission." She whispered. I gave her a confused glance but I didn't give too much thought to her words.

"Well, what did you expect? We chose the survey corps after all." Said Gray, looking at us. "Look at the bright side, at least no one is going to talk about you and Levi anymore." He told me with a fake smile but I didn't even listen, I was immagining all the worst case scenarios that could happen outside the walls until I shook my head, brushing everything away.

"C'mon guys, everything is going to be fine, we made it alive in our first mission after all." I said, Eliza didn't seem in the mood to talk about it and she excused herself a moment after, heading to our dorm. I stayed with Gray, thinking that she would want to be left alone and hoping I would get to talk to Levi who was now in a serious conversation with Hanji.

I talked to Gray about the mission for a while until I realised Jean was sitting alone with a bitter look on his face so I left Gray, who was not talking to Connie, and reched Jean.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting next to him.

"I have strange feeling about this expedition." I looked at him, he was looking at the ground in deep thought. "And I'm too eager to go outside the walls, honestly."

"You have been on other expeditions, what's wrong with this one?" I asked.

"I don't even know… It's just that after all that happened in the last one I'm kind of unsure about this." He sighed dramatically.

"Is it because you got injured?" I asked in a serious tone.

"What? No. It's just…" He stopped suddently. "I don't feel like talking about it right now." He spat out those words so harshly I was almost scared then he got up and left me there. I was shocked but I decided to leave without an explanation, he would tell me when he felt ready.

...

Author's note:

Hi guys... I'm so so so so so sorry about making you wait so long, I'm a really slow writer... I'm also sorry if this chapter is short and not that interesting, the next one is going to be longer and have a couple of plot twists, so get ready.

Hope you are enjoing the story and I would love to hear your thoughts in a review.

Last thing: I drew Cath, Eliza and Gray and posted them on my tumblr if you feel like checking out the way I picture them in my head, my tumblr is maddyfoxsnk, the drawings of the characters are the only thing I posted so they shouldn't be hard to find. I'd post the link but fanfiction doesn't let you link stuff... thanks for reading, hope you like the storyy, I'll try to update as soon as I can 3

-Maddy


	9. Chapter 9

Later that day we recieved all the information needed for the expedition, I was put in a formation with Eliza, Reiner and Jean. For some reason Erwin always decided to put me with Jean, I wandered why but didn't give it too much thought. The next days passed by with training as we went over the formations and the flares a thousand times, until the morning before the expedition arrived. As usual, they gave us a day off to do all the stuff we wanted to do before what could be the last day of our lives.

It was supposed to be a cheerfull day but it never was, everyone was nervous and frightened and so was I. All I had in my mind was that I wanted to talk to Levi since we hardly spoke that week, he was always super busy before expeditions I hoped he would also have the day off. Lukily I ran into Mike so I could ask him.

"Hi Mike." I smiled at him, no one was ever formal with Mike even if he was a veteran, he was the chillest person in the Survey Corps and everyone liked him.

"Catherine, right?" He asked with a smile. I nodded. "Ready for the expedition?" He asked.

"I don't think anyone ever is, I'm a little scared honestly." I shrugged.

"I don't blame you, after all you've been trough in the last one!" He answered.

"Yeah, that's an experience I do not want to repeat." I laughed nervously.

"Don't worry, Erwin has everything planned out to avoid the titans, all we need to do is find the quickest way to Shiganshina, we shouldn't lose too many people." He tried to reassure me and he almost succeded. Then I remembered that I wanted to ask where Levi was, but I kind of felt guilty about it, he was so nice and I didn't want him to know that I started the conversation just for Levi.

"I hope so.." I looked to the ground, letting a couple of seconds pass before finally gathering the courage to ask about Levi. "Sorry for asking but do you know where Captain Levi is?" I asked as I bit my lip nervously.

"Mh… Hanji told me he hasn't left his room yet, it's also his day off, he's probably taking it easy for a while." He shrugged. "I bet he won't be upset if _you_ visit him, though." He said with a smirk. Of course he still remembered that we had sex, great.

"T-Thanks Mike, I'll go see if he's allright." I smiled and started walking away.

"Wait, Cath." He called out, I turned around to face him again. "Can I call you Cath?" He asked quickly, I nodded, holding in a little laugh. "By the way, if he hasn't left his room he probably didn't have his usual black tea yet, he's going to love it if you bring him a cup. He likes it really hot." He winked at me and walked away.

"Thanks Mike!" I smiled brightly at him. Now I knew why everyone loved him, he was so nice… he even gave me advice on Levi! With a smile on my face I went to the kitchen and prepared a cup of really hot black tea, following Mike's advice, then I headed to Levi's room. I was a little nervous about seeing him again, what if he changed his mind about us?

I gathered all my courage and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" He sounded kind of annoyed, I didn't wake him, right? I knew it was a mistake. I sighed, trying to calm down a little.

"Catherine." I answered, expecting the worst.

"Come in." He sounded a lot less annoyed after he heard my name, when I opened the door I saw something I would have never expected, Levi was in his underwear, sitting on the bed with messy hair and he looked well rested for the first time in his life. I blushed as I caught myslef staring at his super defined abs. "Eyes are up here." He said ironically, I blushed even more. "Close the door." I did as he asked.

"Good morning Levi." I smiled sweetly as I put the burning cup of black tea on his desk. "I brought you black tea." He looked surprised but really impressed at the same time.

"Thanks." He answered as he stood up with an adorable yawn, he walked towards me.

"Did I wake you up?" I asked, kind of worried, he was a hinch away from me now. He put a hand on my lower back and stared deep into my eyes, making me shiver.

"No." He said as he placed a kiss on my forhead, my heart started beating ten times faster as I started smiling like an idiot. He then walked away, took the black tea and sat on his bed again, then he signaled me to sit beside him, so I did.

"Levi… I wanted to talk about the other night.." I blushed at the thought of that night.

"I know." He sighed.

"It wasn't a one night stand, was it?" I looked at the ground, hoping with my all heart he would say it wasn't, I wanted him to feel something for me so badly.

"How can you even think it was a one night stand?" He gave me a confused glance and I sighed in relief.

"I just wanted to make sure." I shrugged.

"How did you feel about it?" He asked. "Did you get any flashbacks?" He didn't need to explain, I knew exactly what he was refearing to.

"What? No! Of course not! I would have stopped you if I did…" I looked him straight in the eyes. "You didn't remind me of those perverts, it was compleately different.. I enjoyed it too this time." I was so nervous, I didn't even want him to come close to comparing himself with them.

"I'm glad." He smiled and I thought that his smile must have been the most amazing thing in the whole universe.

"But… what are we now?" I asked, he tensed up as he took a sip of his steaming black tea.

"That's a difficult question…" He looked away. "I can't deny I feel something for you, brat. But I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." I looked away too, that wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear but it was better than nothing.

"It's… ok." I answered, trying not to sound too upset, he turned to face me, but I wasn't ready to look at him again.

"Everyone I care about dies." He stated harshly. "I don't want to lose you too."

 _That must be the stupidest excuse I've ever heard._ I thought as he said those words, not believing him. He sighed as he understood I didn't believe it.

"My mother was a whore in the underground, she died of starvation when I was really young but I still loved her. Farlan and Isabel were my best friends, I cared about them above all else, I found their dead bodies on our first expedition. I don't want you to become part of the list." I looked at him in shock, I would have never expected him to tell me so much about himself.

"I…" I couldn't find the right words. "I'm so sorry, Levi, it's horrible.." I looked down. I couldn't believe he was actually scared of getting attached to a person for the fear of losing them, maybe that was why he was always so cold to everyone.

"That's not the point, I don't want you to feel sorry, I want you to understand why I can't be with you yet." He said coldly. I froze.

"I understand but… what do you mean with 'yet'?" I asked.

"When this is all over and the titans are defeated I promise we'll finally be toghether." He took my hand and stared deep into my eyes. I smiled and gave him a small nod.

"I'll live waiting for that day." I wispered, he smiled too and looked away. "So… you got anything to do today?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Would I still be in bed if I did?" He answered ironically, I jiggled.

"Want to do something?" I asked, blushing.

"Like what?" He was a little confused and surprised, he didn't seem to expect it at all.

"I don't know… Let's get out of HQ and visit the nearby city or something." I shrugged while I blushed.

"I don't know…" He sighed. "I'd like to but I should probably stay here, in case Erwin needs me, it's the day before the expedition after all."

"It's ok… It was a stupid idea anyway…" I brushed it off.

"We can go after the expedition?" He suggested with a little blush on his cheeks. "Hanji told me the nearby city is having a huge party in a couple of days, we could go." He blushed even more, I almost laughed at how adorable that was. I defenately could not imagine Levi at a party, he didn't seem the type of guy who would like something like that but I was defenately glad he wanted to go.

"Of course! That would be awesome." I gave him the brightest of smiles. "Enjoy your day off then… I'll go see what Gray and Eliza are up to." I got up from the bed and headed towards the exit.

"Wait." He stopped me. "I need to tell you something about the expedition." He said, I turned around.

"Sure… what is it?" I asked.

"Be really carefull, Erwin thinks a traitor is in the Survey Corps and that he or she can trasform into a titan, just like Eren…" He looked at me with his intimidating gaze. "Tomorrow's mission is not to actually find a way to Shiganshina but to capture the traitor." He sighed. "I just thought you should know, don't tell anyone, brat." I gulped and nodded. I knew about the traitors but I didn't even consider they could be able to transform into titans.

"Thanks for telling me, Levi… see you later." I opened the door and left. If what Levi told me was true the mission was a lot more dangerous then what we all thought, how could I not tell anyone? What was I going to do? I shook my head and went to look for Gray and El, I needed to get my mind off the mission and off Levi.

They were not in our dorm so I went to look for them in the mess hall where I found Jean and Eren fighting instead, Mikasa was trying to push Eren away while Armin tryed to take care of Jean, without success, I had never seen Jean so angry so I rushed there, I helped Armin hold him back until they were finally done shoutig at eahother and both left the mess hall.

"Are they always like that?" I asked Armin. "It seemed like they actually wanted to murder each other!"

"Honestly I don't think they actually hate eachother, they always fight like that before expeditions, I think they are just scared and try to release their feelings by fighting." He sighed. "It's really annoying." He complained.

"Yeah, I figured…" I answered. "Have you seen Eliza and Gray?" I asked

"Your friends? They were here at breakfast but I haven't seen them since then." He shrugged. "Sorry."

"Don't worry… they must be in Grey's dorm then, thanks Armin." I smiled, then I realised I had no idea where his dorm was, I had never been there. "Wait… do you know where it is?"

"It's next to the one I'm sharing with Eren, Connie and Jean." He answered.

"Woah, Jean and Eren are in the same dorm?" I asked, surprised, he laughed at my reaction.

"Unfortunately, yes… I honestly can't stand their bullshit anymore." I laughed.

"Well, thanks Armin, I'll go look for them, see you later." I smiled and left, I knew where Jean's dorm was because we cleaned it toghether during training a month ago, I smiled at the memory.

I walked to the dorms again and when I got to the one that was supposed to be Gray's I saw Reiner walking out of it.

"Hi Reiner." I faked a smile, I didn't like him very much.

"Hey, Catherine." He smiled back, I couldn't tell if he was faking it though.

"Is this Gray's dorm?" I asked, he smirked.

"Yeah, he shares it with me and Berthold." He let out a little laugh. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you." He added, I gave him a confused glance.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Your friends are making out." He smirked again, my eyes widened, I couldn't believe it.

"What?" I smiled widely. "Are you serious?" I couldn't stop smiling, I had been waiting for the two to get toghether since the day I met them, I was so happy.

"Of course I'm serious!" He shrugged. "That's why I was leaving, I wanted to give them some privacy." I laughed.

"Well, thanks Reiner!" I was still smiling, dammit.

"Why are you smiling like that?" He asked.

"You have no idea how much I was waiting for this to happen!" I answered, adding a little jiggle. "I'm so happy for them!"

"Yeah, at least they are not thinking about the mission tomorrow." He said, it was true, I was so glad they were cheering each other up before the mission.

"Well, I'll leave them to their making out, see you tomorrow Reiner, we're in the same formation after all." He smiled and gave me a quick nod and I left.

What was I going to do? Everyone was busy and I really didn't want to spend what could have been my last day doing nothing.

I took a walk around HQ, looking for someone I could hang out with, when I got outside, close to the training forest, I found Jean, he had a pencil in his hand and a notepad on his lap, he looked really focused, I didn't want to interupt him but he also seemed kind of lonely. So I gulped down any uncertainty and walked towards him.

"I never took you for a artist." I said when I was close enough for him to hear me, he tensed up and put his notepad away really quickly. "Woah, calm down, it's just me." I stopped, he looked really uncomftable and flustered and I suddently regretted going to talk to him, I thought about just leaving but that would just make things more awkward.

"Hey Cath." He said, looking away. "It's… kind of a secret hobby." He was so embarassed it was almost cute.

"Sorry for interrupting…" I looked away, it had never been so awkward with Jean, we were usually so casual with each other.

"It's ok… Actually, it's great, I was feeling kind of lonely." He shrugged.

"Yeah me too…" My thoughts went to Gray and Eliza, I wandered if they were getting it on or if it was just a make out session or something, I would defenately ask them later.

"What happened to your friends? They're always stuck to your ass." He said ironically, I laughed at his joke.

"They are stuck to each other's asses right now, if you know what I mean." I winked at him, he got it right away and laughed.

"Seriously? Wow, you newbies are getting a lot of action these days!" He joked, he still had a little blush on his cheeks. I laughed as he looked me in the eyes with a sweet smile. "So… your friends left you and you came to me?" He smirked. "What about Levi?"

"He's busy, I guess…" I shrugged, remembering my chat with Levi made me a little sad. "But hey, you're my friend too and you looked so miserable here by yourself!" I mocked him sarcastically.

"Well… I didn't know what to do." He answered.

"What were you drawing?" I asked curiously, he blushed a dark shade of red.

"I… just a doodle." He looked away, still red.

"Can I see it?" I smiled. "I mean, I never had time for art and stuff… so I'm just a little curious."

"It's not a good idea…" He answered, scratching the back of his neck nervously so I let it go.

I spent the rest of the day with Jean, we sat down and talked about the mission coming up and how ironic it was that we always ended up on the same formation, then we took a walk around talking about random things. Jean was a really pleasant person to hang out with, he was funny and ironic but he could also be nice and serious, but the thing I liked most about him was his blunt honesty, he always spoke his mind, no matter what, so I felt like I could trust anything he said.

When we gathered in the mess hall for dinner that night we reluctantly parted ways, he sat with Connie and Sasha as I got back to Gray and Eliza, who were finally done smooching or whatever.

"So, I heard you two had fun today." I said as I sat down next to them. "I _knew_ it was going to happen, seriously." They didn't even deny it, they were acting all clingy and I was so happy for them, they were perfect for each other.

That night the three of us drank a bit of rum, I tried not to drink too much, I had absolutely no intention of going against the titans with a hangover but I was tipsy anyway, I was able to get drunk even with just one glass. Eliza and Gray left to go make out in his room, I wasn't mad at them for leaving me there, I was just glad they were spending this night the way they both wanted. I just lingered in the mess hall by myself with the third glass of rum in my hand until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Who's the miserable one now?" Asked a voice behind me, I laughed without turning around, the alchool made me a little sleepy and I felt like anything was the funniest thing in the world.

"You are!" I answered with a drunk laugh.

"Woah, I think you drank enough." He took my glass away and finished the drink in it before I had time to protest, but I knew it was for the best, I would have ended up drinking a lot more if he didn't stop me so I mentally thanked him.

Jean stayed with me a little more and made me hang out with his usual group: Connie, Sasha, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Reiner, Berthold, Ymir and Christa.

Connie was really drunk, but he acted as he usually did, he was goofing around with Sasha, who also acted the same was as she normally did, but the blush on her cheeks gave away that she was a little drunk too.

Eren was seriously wasted, his head was resting on Mikasa's shoulder and he had a grin on his face, probably listening to the others' conversations, Mikasa on the other hand was compleately sober, she had a glass of water in her hand, ignoring Connie and Sasha calling her boring.

Armin was drinking rum too but he didn't look drunk, he was just sitting quietly as he looked at Connie and Sasha dancing around, he seemed in deep thought.

Reiner and Berthold were having a conversation, well at least Reiner was, Berthold was just nodding nervously at him.

Ymir was being super loud, she was defenately drunk, she also seemed to convince little innocent Christa to drink too even if she was a little more focused on making sure Ymir didn't do anything stupid.

Jean was a little drunk too, not as much as me but still tispy, he introduced me to his friends, even if we already knew each other, but it was nice to bond with them, they were all nice and enjoyable people. I laughed and talked to them until eleven, when I decided I should go to bed to get some sleep before the expedition, most of them agreed with me.

Mikasa basically dragged Eren to his dorm as he laughed and whispered something about murdering titans as Armin and Jean followed, I said goodnight to Jean with a little kiss on the cheek, to which he blushed a dark shade of red but he still responded with a cocky grin. Mikasa decided to stay there for a while, to take care of Eren's drunk ass.

Connie, Sasha, Ymir and Christa all stayed in the mess hall, drinking some more.

Since Mikasa was so worried about Eren, I had to walk alone to my dorm… everything was going well until I bumped into someone in the darkness.

"Excuse you." I blurted out with an exausted tone, followed by a giggle I did not mean to make.

"Seriously? You got drunk the night before the expedition, brat?" Answered the man in the darkness.

"Levi!" I spread my arms and hugged him with a smile, what was I doing? I couldn't even control my actions. He tensed up but let himself melt into the hug after a while. We just stood there in eachother's arms for a while, he started stroking my hair gently and there was no need for words.

"Get to bed, we are leaving early tomorrow." He said arshly yet it didn't sound like an order but a nice suggestion.

"Where is my dorm?" I asked as my head still rested on his chest, if we both stayed quiet I could hear his calming heart beat, I was so glad he was there with me. He let out an exasperated sigh, took my hand in his and started walking, I reluctantly started walking too, everything was spinning as I held on to his hand as if it was the only thing that could save me.

We got in front of my dorm a little too quickly, I wished I colud keep my hand in his forever but he let go, without saying a word, I just stared at him with a little smile as everything spinned. He waited for me to get inside but I didn't, I kept looking at him so he rolled his eyes, put a arm around my waist and opened the door, he walked me to my bed and I noticed that Gray and Eliza were sleeping toghether on her bed, they looked so peacefull and happy even in their sleep, I smiled and I got back to looking at Levi.

I sat on the bed and as he turned around to leave I caught his wrist, he turned around, the moonlight coming from the window was gently lighting up his handsome features.

"Thank you." I whispered, without letting go of his wrist.

"Go to sleep." He answered, I just sat on the bed with my hand on his wrist for a couple of seconds, thinking of what I could say to keep him there, I didn't want him to leave.

"Can I kiss you?" It came out almost by it self, why couldn't I control myself when I was drunk? It was such a stupid thing to ask after the conversation we had that morning but at the same time I was a little glad for asking, hoping he wouldn't reject.

He stared at me with a stoic, cold glare for a couple of seconds, until he sighed and gave me a nod. He sat on the bed next to me, getting closer, my heart almost burst from happiness as I gently touched his lips with mine, I placed my hand on the back of his neck, scared that he might leave me, I gently stroked his undercut and let out a little giggle on his lips, it felt so nice.

Not able to hold myself back, I licked his lower lip, asking for permission to go on, he tensed up but opened his lips in the end. It was a fiery and passionate kiss, it lasted a lot more then I intended, so he pulled back, gasping for air.

"Don't you dare die tomorrow." He said coldly before giving me another quick kiss, then he stood up. "Good night." He left the room, leaving me with a huge grin on my face.

"I won't…" I whispered to myself then I let myself fall down on the bed and drift into a deep, peacefull sleep.

The morning took me by surprise, between the emotion of making out with Levi and the drunkness I totally forgot about the mission. So when I got woken up by a person shaking me, I was a little annoyed.

"Let me sleep, for fuck's sake!" I groaned as I opened my eyes and realised that everything was spinning again. "I have a headache!"

"Get your ass up, Eliza's making you something for the hangover." I realised it was Gray's voice talking to me, I smiled, Eliza was always so nice, I loved having a friend like her.

"We don't deserve her." I answered, clearly joking, he laughed at my joke but mumbled "true" under his breath, thinking I wouldn't notice. He was fully dressed in his uniform and gear, ready to go.

I reluctantly got out of bed and started putting on my uniform as well, my head was killing me in that moment, I had nausea and I never had so much trouble with the belts, Sasha ended up helping me to put them on. When Eliza got back to our dorm, she had a warm cup of something in her hand, she handed it to me.

"It's lemon tea with a couple of herbs I found outside, it should make your nausea fade compleately and help with the headache." She explained.

"El, you are the nicest person in the universe." I smiled at her sweetly, I was so luky to have her.

"We heard you and Levi yesterday, by the way." She smirked.

"Oh, Levi, please let me kiss you, I'm so thirsty for you!" Said Gray, mocking me. "And they say I'm the fan girl." He crossed his arms and smirked. Eliza laughed at his interpretation of me.

"You two are the worst." I rolled my eyes, sipping on the drink Eliza made me, it had a really nice taste of mint and lemon and maybe something else, but I couldn't work it out by myself.

"I thought I was the nicest person in the universe!" She said, still laughing as Gray put an arm around her waist and pulled her in for a quick kiss. I smiled at them, they were the best friends I ever had, just looking at them so happy made me happy too.

We went to the mess hall, where everyone was feeling down, Eren was puking in a bucket but said he felt absolutely fine afterwards. Erwin gave the usual inspirational speech, to cheer us up and make us understand how important what we were about to do was for humanity, and bullshit like that.

Before leaving I hugged Gray goodbye and witnessed his and Eliza's heartbreaking goodbye, as they promised eachother not to die. Then Gray took me aside, leaving Eliza alone, which made me feel a little bad for her.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Look… El is weak, she'll never admit it but she is, on the last expedition I had to save her twice, she can't do this by herself." He gulped. "Please keep an eye on her, I can't lose her now."

"She's my best friend, I have absolutely no intention to let her die, don't worry Gray." I smiled to reassure him, he smiled back and quickly got back to his girlfriend, who was standing alone with a shy blush on her cheeks.

When we finally got on our horses ard headed for the gate I was feeling the same panic that I felt in the last expedition, it was a little less but it was there, so vivid and terrifing, I had a really bad feeling about this mission, especially as I remembered what Levi told me about the titan traitors, I didn't want to think about it but it was stuck on my mind as we galopped outside the gate and got in formations.

My heart was pounding, I felt it coming in the air, the danger and the pain, I could already smell the blood and death of what was about to come. Yet I also felt a strange thrill, as if I liked the panic, it was a scary feeling but I had always loved feeling strong emotions and nothing compared to the adrenaline of fighting and risking my life, it was strange and I did not like the fact that I liked it but it was like that and I couldn't change it.

We encountered a couple of titans, Jean took one down and Reiner the other. When we encountered an abnormal, I killed it easily and everything was going smoothly until we saw a flare indicating another abnormal, we rushed to it and bumped into Armin, he was on the ground with a dumbstruk expression, he looked terrified and in deep thought at the same time. Lukily, we had an extra horse that ran to us when the owner probably got eaten.

"Armin!" Shouted Reiner, being the first to reach him with the extra horse behind him as El, Jean and I followed.

"Reiner!" He answered, snapping out of his thoughts.

"Can you stand?" Asked Reiner. "Don't forget you can't survive without a horse out here! Hurry!" Armin quickly got on the horse and started galoping after Reiner.

I was behind them with Eliza and Jean, they were having a conversation as we galoped after a huge titan with a female-like body, I had never seen anything like it, it was running and totally avoiding us. Jean shot the flare for an abnormal and sped up to reach Armin and Reiner, I followed with Eliza.

Flares were shot from the right wing of the formation, signaling us that they had been attacked and probably wiped out.

"What's a titan doing here?" Asked Jean, looking at it, it was running away from us and I thought for a second that we should have been running away from it, not towards it.

"Is it an abnormal?" I asked.

"No… It's different.." Answered Armin, keeping his frozen gaze on the titan. "It's a human in a titan's body." I froze at his words. The traitor Levi was talking about, the one we were trying to capture was right in front of us. I gulped, trying to decide if I should share the information about the traitors or if I should keep it to myself, one of them could be on the traitor's side for all I knew, so I decided to gulp it down and be cautious.

"What?!" Shouted Jean, his eyes were wide and he seemed a little scared at the thought.

"Why do you think so?" Asked Reiner, getting Armin's attention on him.

"This titan… When the scouts targeted it's nape, it caught and smashed them. It didn't kill to eat. It killed to kill." I gulped.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked with a little too worried tone. "What's it's objective?" I asked.

"I don't know it's objective, my first thought was that it could be working with the armored and colossal titan to destroy mankind but I'm not sure." He sighed. "What if it was looking for someone? It checked my face before running away… who could it be? Maybe Eren?"

"Eren? He was on the right formation, where it came from, with the Levi squad!" Said Reiner.

"The right?" Asked Jean, kind of surprised. "On my papers, they were in the left rear."

"My papers showed them in the right front." I commented.

"No, there's no way they'd put him in the front line." Stated Armin, looking at me and I almost felt stupid for believing it.

"Then where is he?" Said Reiner, he seemed almost impatient and a little pissed off.

"He must be in the safest spot of the formation, probably in the rear, at the center." He answered, looking straight at Reiner, a little suspitous.

"Enough of this, Armin!" Shouted Jean. "We got no time for philosophy. The flares aren't enough to comunicate the details of that titan! It'll eventually catch up to commander's Erwin troops too, then the formation will fall apart and we'll all die."

"Optimistic much?" I said, jokingly, but Jean wasn't in the mood for it, he just ignored it.

"What's your point?" Asked Eliza, who had been quietly listening for all this time.

"From this distance, we might be able to catch it's attention and buy time for thier escape. Maybe." He gulped, he seemed terrified at the idea but at the same time, he was determined to do it.

"That's smart, Jean." Praised Armin. "But from it's point of view, we count less then nothing, it's going to crush us."

"Seriously?" He let out a nervous laugh, his eyes wide open and fixated in front of him. "That ain't good."

"Who are you and what did you do to Jean?" Asked Reiner. "The Jean I know only cares about himself."

"Bro, that's rude." Answered Jean, with a creepy smile on his face, then he got serious again. "I just… don't want a lot of people to die, that's all." His grip tightened and he had a strange determined spark in his eyes, I gulped, I never thought he could get so intense. "I… I know what I need to do! It's the job we've chosen! Help me!" He shouted looking straight at us. I gulped but gave him a serious nod of agreement.

"Put on your hood." Said Armin, pulling his hood up. "So it can't see our faces, it won't kill us if it doesn't know who we are."

"Right… It can't kill someone that might be Eren! That's super smart Armin!" I exclaimed with a smile directed towards him as I pulled my hood up.

"Armin… I thought it was pathetic how you constantly hung around Eren, but I always knew you had it in you!" Said Jean, pulling up his hood.

"Uh… thanks." Answered a confused Armin. "But that pathetic part was still mean."

We galopped to the titan, it seemed to have gotten a little slower, could it be tired?

No time to think about it, we agreed we would catch it's attention enough for the column to retreat, we just needed to keep it here as long as we possibly could. We couldn't try to kill it, it was stupid… it knew it's weak spot was the nape and it would kill us if we tried to get it. If only Levi was there, he would surely be able to fight it.

Jean kissed his blade and jumped off his horse to target it's leg, the female titan suddently stopped, she turned around and avoided Jean it slapped it's hand in the air, sending wind in Jean's direction, pulling back his hood, revealing his face. Then it quickly headed towards Armin, it slapped his horse in the air, sending him flying, for a moment I thought he was dead.

"Armin!" I shouted. He was on the ground, his gear flew off him with the impact and his horse was dead. He was on laying the ground but lukily I saw him move his head, he wasn't dead… for now.

The female titan was awfully close to him, it kneeled down and took a good look at his face. Jean and I rushed towards him, Jean attached himself to the titan's shoulder to save Armin as I ran towards him, jumping off my horse. The titan lost intrest in Armin and turned towards Jean, he was able to dodge it's fist, it would have surely killed him. My heart was racing so fast, I had to save him! Jean went for the nape, but the titan protected it. I felt tears in my eyes when I realised he was done for, I was frozen. The titan was going to grab his wire and kill him, everything was going in slow motion.

"No! Jean!" I attached myself to the titans arm, in a desperate attempt to save him, was I about to kill myself?

"Jean! Avenge the suicidal bastard!" Shouted Armin, the titan suddently stopped. I tried to slice it's arm but she removed it from my reach too soon, pushing me to the ground, I hit my head but I was alive. "This shit killed him! My best friend in the right wing!"

Jean escaped as soon as it stopped, landing next to me, he shook my shoulder to make sure I was ok, I gave him a reassuring look and went back to concentrating on Armin. What the hell was he saying?

"Did Armin hit his head?!" Asked Jean, looking directly at him.

"I saw his body under it's foot! It killed him!" Armin kept on going with desperation in his voice.

Then I saw Reiner, that fool was heading right to the titan to slice it's nape! I couldn't understand if he was really brave or really stupid, Eliza was next to him to back him up, did they talk about this? Should I go with them and save her? What if it went wrong?

Reiner attached himself to the nape as Eliza went for it's eyes, but it was too late, the titan took Eliza's wire and threw her away, she landed next to Armin, he shook her to make sure she was alive and lukily she was. Right after that, Reiner was about to reach it's nape but she gave him an ice cold stare and caught him in it's hand. It looked like she crushed him.

Jean gasped, slowly walking back, in shock. "No, Reiner…" Armin and Eliza looked at the titan's hand in shock, everything seemed lost, I couldn't believe what was happening, did Reiner really just die?

Then, somehow, he freed himslef of the titan's grip and flew on the ground, he caught Armin and Eliza and started running towards us.

Jean was beyond shocked but relieved, we also strated running away, it was a miracle that we were still alive.

"Run!" He shouted at us, noticing we were both staring at him. "Hurry and get away from it! If it's not a man eater, then it won't chase us!"

I was about to start running as Reiner told us but I noticed something strange, the titan looked at it's hand for a couple of seconds then it started running off to another direction. Why was she running away? Why did it look like it knew exactly where to go? It was heading for the center rear, where Eren was!

When it was finally gone, we stopped running. Eliza helped Reiner patching Armin up, he had a deep cut on his forhead lukily his gear wasn't damaged in the fight, it was still working perfectly.

Jean kept whistling for the horses, Armin's horse was dead, the others all ran off, besides Reiner's and Eliza's.

We only had two horses and there was five of us, there was no way we would survive without horses, we only needed one more horse to move freely or we would have to leave one of us behind and just thinking about it made me sick. Who would it be…?

"Shit!" Shouted Jean, as he stopped whistling. He was probably thinking the same thing that I was, but I didn't question him about it, he was too nervous at the moment. He went back to whistling. I sighed and reached Eliza, Armin and Reiner.

"Armin, Eliza? How are you feeling?" I asked, kneeling next to them.

Eliza's arm was bleeding uncontrolably but she insisted she was fine.

"I feel a little dizzy but I'm fine." Sighed Armin. "Anyway… we need to decide." I gulped, I knew exactly what he was talking about. "It's a tough choice but one of us will have to stay here." Jean stopped whistling and looked at him in shock, Reiner seemed less surprised. Then Armin shook his head. "Wait. Let's shoot a flare first. If the formation moved straight ahead, the thid troop in the fourth row should be nearby."

We did as he said, Jean shot a purple flare that meant emergency, we hoped someone would come for us. "I shot the signal but.. who knows? I doubt anyone is gonna see it and think _hey, somebody must need an extra horse._ " Joked Jean.

"We'll wait three minutes.. in the mean time, we need to decide who stays behind." Stated Reiner in a serious tone.

"I'll stay." Answered Armin, biting his lip. I shivered, no way we could leave Armin behind, he was too smart and valuable to the Survey Corps.

"No way Armin, you're too important..." I clenched my fist, struggling to get the rest of my sentence out. "I'll stay, I'm the most unexperienced and the newest recruit, it should be me." He gave me a sad look.

"Look, I appreciate that you want to save me but I've made my decision." He gulped. "I'm not as important as you think, anyway." He added, I wasn't supposed to hear it but I did, I was about to answer, he cut me off. "But I need you guys to report something to Commander Erwin, only him."

"Hang on! You might be able to tell him yourself!" Said Jean, he was gazing in the distance where we saw some horses coming towards us. "Someone answered the call! They even have horses with them!" He smiled as they got closer and closer, I noticed it was just one person with a bunch of horses. "It's Christa!" Added Jean.

"You guys!" She shouted, riding towards us. "Are you allright?" She asked, reaching us. I had never been so happy to see someone in my life.

Our horses were all with her, mine, Jean's and Armin's.

"My horse!" Exclaimed Jean, going towards him, he stroked his face gently and I reached mine to do the same. "Oh, calm down, good boy."

"They ran right past me, scared out of their mind." Said christa. "Did you fight a titan?" I was about to tell her but she quickly turned to Armin. "Armin! You're injured! Are you ok?" She asked sweetly.

"Don't worry, I'm fine." He said, focusing on getting his horse ready.

"I'm surprised you got to us thanks to that signal!" I said, I honestly did not even hope for someone to reach us but I was really glad she did.

"I was close by and I recognised Jean's horse.." She smiled, I really liked the vibe that she let out, I hadly ever spoke to her but she seemed really nice.

"One of us would have died if it weren't for you. Thank you Christa." Said Reiner with a smile. "You're an exeptionally nice person."

"I'm just glad…" She had tears in her eyes but a really cute smile. She quickly wiped a tear away. "You're all alive and well. I'm really glad." She added and I noticed that all of the guys were staring at her in awe, it almost made me laugh.

"We should head back to the formation." I said, snapping the guys out of their admiration for Christa and I got on my horse.

"Right! A retreat order should be issued soon." Agreed Jean, jumping on his horse too. Unlukily, I knew we would not retreat anytime soon, Erwin wanted to capture the traitor, not run away from it.

When everyone was set and ready to go we started galopping towards our formation as Reiner told Christa about the female titan we encountered. After a while of riding we saw green flares, I wasn't surprised.

"Green flares?!" Shouted Armin. "So we're continuing the operation, just changing our direction?" He was a little shocked and I honestly could understand why.

"No way! We should be retreating!" Shouted Christa.

"What is commander Erwin thinking?" Added Jean. I gulped, I knew what he wanted to do but I honestly did not know how he intended to do it.

"We have to follow the orders." Said Armin, shooting a green flare.

We rode for long, fought a couple of titans easily until we saw a forest of giant trees in the distance, we were all really confused when we reached it, most people from most formations were there, it was like a hundred of us. A veteran soon reached us to communicate we had to keep titans away from the forest for as long as we could. We were all reluctant about it but he told us it was an order.

My thoughts went to the female titan would we be able to kill it if she tried to get in?

"I need some volonteers to come with me, like twenty of you or so." I gulped, what did going with him mean? I thought about it, should I go? No one was volunteering so I thought that it wouldn't be a wise choice… until Eliza put her hand up, followed by Jean. I gave them a really confused glace.

"El, Jean… you don't know what you're signing up for, it could be super dangerous!" I warned them.

"I have no intention to stay here and be useless." Said jean.

"We're in the survey corps, everything is dangerous, they need vounteers and I'm willing to go if they ask." A sparkle lit up in her eyes, she was really determined about this.

I sighed and put my hand up too, remembering the promise I made to Gray.

"You don't have to babysit me, you know?" She rolled her eyes at me.

"I'll do it if I want to." I answered with an ironic smile.

When it was finally twenty of us with our hand up, the veteran told us to follow him and he flew off with his gear.

"What are we supposed to do?" Shouted Jean.

"We're going to get closer to the central formations, they need help in case titans aproach them." He explained.

We were going so fast and in five minutes or so we reached a formation, I couldn't make out who they were until I got a little closer. The Levi squad and Eren. My heart started pounding at the thought that something bad might happed to their formation, they were galopping quickly and the group of volunteers was now scattered in the forest fighting titans. I kept following the Levi squad, Eliza was with me and Jean had stopped to fight off a titan so I couldn't see him anymore.

Everything was going well and the situation was under control until a black flare was shot right behind us, it was hard to see because of the trees but it was there. The female titan had reached us. I stopped on a branch with Eliza next to me, I needed to buy time for Levi to escape with Eren.

Everything seemed to go in slow-motion for a couple of seconds, I could hear loud footsteps aproaching, she was running towards us, I gulped, trying to let go of all my uncertainty. I had to fight, even if it meant dying. I was ready to fight, I was ready… I kept tellig myself that until the titan showed itself. She crushed a soldier with her hand and I tried to charge towards her, going for the eyes, to blind her, it would have been enough to buy time.

But as I went for the eyes Eliza flew for the nape. My heart stopped, one of us was done for, the titan would eather go for me or for her. When I saw that her hand was reaching behind her I paniked, she was going for Eliza.

I didn't blind it, instead I tried to rush to Eliza to push her away but I wasn't quick enough. "Eliza!" I shouted, time stopped, my heart was pounding so hard in my chest and tears came to my eyes as I screamed the loudest scream that ever came out of my mouth, I couldn't control myself anymore, desperation was taking over me.

When my best friend realised she was done for, she didn't scream, she didn't cry, she didn't even look scared, she just accepted it and looked at me with a sad expression as she mouthed a "goodbye." Then the titan got her wire and threw her on the ground.

I stared at the Female Titan, it was now looking at me, I gazed into it's blue evil eyes, I wanted to be quick and avenge my friend, cut it un into pieces and make it suffer as much as I was suffering, I wanted it to feel pain for eternity to reapay what it had done to my friend, but I was frozen, the image of Eliza's body hitting the ground was still vivid in my mind as he titan reached for me, I wanted to charge towards it and destroy it, make it suffer the pain of hell.

But all I was ablr to do was to just stare at the titan with disbelief, why? Why Eliza? She was good, she was kind, she was sweet and she wasn't here anymore..

I wished I could have taken her place, she deserved to live a thousand times more then I did, why wasn't I quick enough? Why? Why? Why...

The titan's hand was getting closer every second while I just stared. Was I going to let her kill me? She was about to crush me but I didn't move a inch, maybe death was better then suffering like that. I was frozen. When her hand was a inch from me I felt an arm wrap around my waist and suddently I was being taken away.

"You idiot!" Shouted a distant voice that I couldn't quite understand, I was too shocked. "What the fuck were you doing?!" He sounded really angry but I didn't care at all, my mind was blank, all I could see was Eliza's body hitting the ground.

I didn't even realise Jean saved my life until he put me down on a branch and stared into my eyes, I didn't even care, I would have let the titan kill me… I was so sick of pain and sadness, why was it always me? Why did everyone I care about die? Why?

I wanted was to be relieved of it all, I didn't want to feel anything because the pain in my heart was too great to be dealt with, I wanted to be a coward and die for the first time in my life.

"Hey… snap out of it, you're scaring me." Said Jean, his hands were on my shoulders and his hazel eyes were staring deep into mine, when I was finally able to start thinking again I started sobbing uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered "I'm so sorry!" I said between sobs. Jean stopped on the top of a tree and gently put me on a branch. I screamed, shouted and cried, I couldn't control it, this feeling was too strong to be caged, I couldn't believe that I would never see her again, that I would never hear her laugh again, that I would never see her big blue eyes staring at me or the blush on her cheeks when people talked to her. I would never feel complete again, not after losing her, I lost a part of me, the person I spent every day with, the person that made me believe again after all that happened to me.

The last time I felt like this was when Louis died and she and Gray fixed me. I forgot how it felt… My life was going so well, I had friends who loved me, I had Levi and just when I thought I was finally happy my heart was shattered to pieces again, the best friend I ever had wasn't in this world anymore.

Why didn't I do anything? Why wasn't I quick enough? Would she still be alive if I had done anything differently? Why? Why? Why? So many questions were in my mind and I couldn't focus on the present situation anymore. Jean started shaking me up a little. "Why… why..? Why…" I was whispering without even noticing. Jean looked at me sadly until he decided to put his arms around me, I held on to him as tightly as I could and sobbed on his shirt.

"Hey… you have to be strong for now… until we get back to the walls." He said as he gently stroked my hair. I gulped in the sobbs and sighed. Tears were not stopping but I couldn't do anything about it. "You need to do it for her, she would have wanted you to live." He added, I let go of him and tried to wipe the tears away. He was right…

Author's note:

Hey, I've been gone for a while, I know… but I wrote you a super long chapter! I really hope you like it…

(spoilers if you didn't read the chapter, but I guess you wouldn't be at the bottom of the page if you didn't lol)

Sorry for killing Eliza, I don't know if you guys liked her but I hope you did, it was kind of sad to write, I created her and now I killed her off, I feel like shit for it but I planned on killing her since I started writing this story so it couldn't be helped.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's reading because I really love writing this story and recieving your reviews, follows and favorites always puts a smile on my face, thank you so much, I wish you all the best.

-Maddy


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